my life as leah: abroad

week four.

2012-01-30T01:50:00.000-08:00

Having a weekend off has never felt so good.
After being in a bus/traveling nonstop/seeing a multitude of ancient cities/sleeping less and less everyday...a couple days off is just what I needed.

Our team is currently situated in Antalya, Turkey - staying within the old city walls, in a local hostel (which we basically fill up with all 26 of us), within walking distance of the Mediterranean, and is the location where we are spending our free weekend in between our two weeks of intense travel.

I'm sitting in a local coffee shop, aptly named "Paul's Place" which is connected to the church we worshipped at yesterday morning, St. Paul's Union Church. With a cup of tea, and a really good wifi connection, I am spending my afternoon with a bit of homework, reading, updating various blogs and photography sites, and relaxing before we take off tomorrow morning to Konya.

Life is beginning to settle in. I mean, it is week four after all, and it should make sense that I am beginning to get a handle on speaking Turkish, the local food, public transportation, and immediately being seen as foreign where ever I go. I find myself missing my family and home a lot, but I've been told time and time again that is natural. It's an odd emotion though, I have a spastic moment where I really miss my house. Or my car. Or what has seemed to be the most consistent: pancakes. What I wouldn't do for a plate of pancakes right now.

Among the rest of things, I'm feeling good. Being abroad and being away from life back home (even though I miss it) has proved to be very healthy for me right now. I am forced to focus on life in this moment, where I am, and not where I would be had I not done this semester. Situations I had struggled with at home prior to this trip have been put on the back burner and left to lightly simmer while I go off and explore Turkey till May. Perhaps I won't stir them back up when I return, of course after being away for four months, I hopefully won't have to deal with them anymore.

That's not to say I haven't been thinking about a lot of it while I am here. The long bus rides have definitely given me some time to process a lot of various situations I've gone through this past semester. Fumbling my way through awkward friendships, sorting out stuff from the summer, thinking about my future and what that holds for me - I sit in a seat on our tour bus, go through these moments in mind, stare out my window to what could either be a local city we are driving through or a beautiful snow covered mountain pass, and then scribble down in my notebook what realizations I am coming to. It's proved really, really, helpful so far. I am going to realizations I should have came to long ago, and getting them out of my head and onto paper are exactly what I need.

It clears up my mind so I can focus on what amazing archeological site I am going to today, instead of replaying moments from back home over and over again in my head. It gives me freedom to live in the moment, and not in the past. It is a great thing I have discovered, and I know I will probably be putting it into good use for the rest of this trip. And by the end of it, I will have a neat little notebook full of realizations and decisions I have come to on this trip.

There is still half of the day left, and I'm not sure what it holds for me. Besides a meeting tonight with our team and a short lecture, I may spend a lot of time reading, walking, grabbing some food, and maybe backgammon if I can find someone to play with. Tomorrow we are on the road again, in what I believe may be our longest ride of the trip: five hours to Konya.

More bus time, more stunning views, more thinking and possibly more realizations.
Not a half bad plan if you ask me.

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

On the road again...

2012-01-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

Note: The date for this post is January 29th, but this specific post was actually written January 27th, while riding in a bus - therefore the lack of an internet connection.

On the road again...

It’s been a while since my last update, so let’s take a moment to recap the past week - which included finishing our time at the Turkish language school, packing up and moving out of the Manzara apartments, and finally, flying to Izmir and embarking on our two week tour to the early churches in the former Asia minor. I’m currently writing this blog post as we bus down to Laodecia for our fourth day of travel.

Last weekend we spent our final couple days in Istanbul till March, (see “Turkish Baths and Baklava post for more) and packed up our stuff in preparation for the early departure to Izmir. We caught a packed 8am flight out of Istanbul and arrived in Izmir where we took off to our first site for the trip - Pergamum! It was a beautiful, sunny day (which we would come to appreciate as the trip went on) and it was a clearly eye-opening experience to what we would continue to see as the trip went on. We have visited the following cities so far:

Pergamum

Smyrna

Sardis

Ephesus

Miletus

Didyma

Each of these cities have been absolutely amazing. I’m walking down streets that people walked down thousands of years ago, seeing buildings made out of marble that were fashioned by human hands, and standing in awe of the most spectacular theaters I have ever seen. I am gaining so much appreciation for these people, and the foundation that those who were believers have laid for Christians today.

I have especially loved visiting Ephesus - it has been my favorite site so far. The city is in remarkably really good condition, and there is still so much to uncover. We walked around a terrace house which is in the process of being fully excavated. So much was in remarkable condition, mosaics with no missing pieces, fully intact archways and pottery, it was incredible! Not to mention the actual city was absolutely stunning. The theatre was the best part, it houses over 25,000 people (and is not even the largest!) and has been renovated and stabilized, so even though it is not in the original condition, it is in good enough condition for Elton John and Diana Ross to perform concerts there.

This tour has been a bit draining so far, with seeing 2-3 sites a day and coming back to a hotel or home stay with a load of homework/reading, and a tired body to top it off as well. However, I have been finding strength in the Lord as I explore where some of the early Christians found strength in Him as well. I feel very connected to the early churches now that I have seen where they lived and where they worshiped. Reading the letter to the church in Sardis, in the ruins of the actual church in Sardis took my breath away. I now no longer see the names of cities in Acts or Revelations as stumbling blocks in my pronunciation, but rather an actual place where people lived and walked. Seeing their significance in the New Testament and their significance today.

On a more logistical side, our team is doing great besides the few who have caught a cold or flu, but seems to be recovering well. Soon we will be moving in the dorms at our university stay in Istanbul, our home for two months were we will take the core of our classes.

I’m excited, but also reminding myself to live in the moment each and every day. I’m constantly reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness, and am ever thankful that He is walking with me through this trip. I am seeing more and more of him everyday, and it brings me to my knees in thankfulness for all that he has done in my life, and the lives of others - on our team, in Istanbul, Christian believers and Muslim brothers and sisters alike. He is doing a work here, and I am starting to see it more and more clearly everyday.

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Turkish Baths and Baklava [Also, the end of phase one.]

2012-01-21T11:43:00.000-08:00

This has been such a great Saturday.

I'm sitting in my apartment, with this week's episode of The Office playing on my computer, crackers nearby and a cup of fresh squeezed apple juice as well. This is a great way to spend this evening, after a very eventful and amazing day.

I slept in a bit this morning, and then got up and got ready for another one of the "must-do's" in Turkey: the traditional hamam, or turkish bath! Our group has heard a lot about this unique, and a bit unusual experience, but I knew I had to try it for myself. The idea of sitting around in a steam room with a bunch of semi-naked people around, and then getting vigorously scrubbed down by a fat Turkish woman didn't seem that appealing, but I knew I had to try it. And let me just say - it was amazing, unusual, and a little bit awkward all rolled into one.

Basically, we went to one of Istanbul's more tourist-y hamams, the Çemberlitas hamam located across the Golden Horn in the old city. The entrance was squished between what I think was a soap shop, and a kebab restaurant, and looked a bit out of place. I didn't realize how huge of a complex it was until I got inside.

This building is OLD. And by old, I mean it was constructed in the 1500s. Back when this is how people showered everyday! However, it has been renovated a lot, so it looked pretty modern. We walked into the reception area, where we were greeted and paid for our bath packages. I purchased the traditional bath and scrub-down (yes, you don't even have to wash yourself!) and a full body massage. Go big or go home, right? After all 6 of us girls got our tokens and scrubbers, we were led into the changing rooms/lockers, where we each were told to undress and put on a pair of what looked like bathing suit bottoms, and a towel to wrap ourselves in. After getting all situated, another attendent came and led us to the "hamam room" which is kind of like an American steam room.

This was the largest building in the complex. It had a high dome ceiling, with skylights in the shapes of stars and circles, and was WARM. Like, enough to make you sweat, which was the purpose of it. In the middle of this room was a gigantic marble slab, which was hot (I think there was a fire warming it underneath). There are sinks all around the edges, with taps providing hot and cold water to wash yourself with. We were led in, and then laid onto the hot marble to sweat for a bit before our actual bath. It was quite relaxing, once you got over the fact that there are a bunch of half naked women all around, getting scrubbed down, washing themselves, etc. Once you accept the nudity and deal with it, relaxing on the stone was really pleasant.

The Turkish women who actually perform the bath and middle-aged, slightly overweight, and rather funny. The one I had basically doused me in hot water and then proceeded to scrub my entire body down ridiculously hard - like, hard enough that layers of my dead skin were literally peeling off! It was both disgusting and amazing at the same time. She then grabbed a pillowcase looking thing that somehow created a bunch of soap suds and washed my body, rinsed and then washed and rinsed my hair. Having someone bathe you is an interesting experience...I wanted to talk to the lady, but I also didn't want to get soap in my mouth, so I decided on just smiling the entire time. I think she got the message. It was all so funny though, how normal this was for her, and how she would get me to flip over by slapping my back or smiling at me while she washed my face. I think she likes her job.

We sat in the jacuzzi room for a while, laid out on the stone for another 30ish minutes before someone came in and took us to another room for our massage. The hot oil massage was heavenly - the old lady that was performing the massage was spectacular! I felt knots being rubbed out and it was so relaxing. After the massage, we rinsed off in a shower and then made our way back up the stairs to the changing rooms we began in.

I didn't realize how clean I really was until I stepped back into my own clothes and the cold and rainy weather of Istanbul. Like, literally - I felt pure. I felt like a baby straight outta the womb, I felt so incredibly clean! I still feel that way now. It was incredible - I can't believe bathing like that all the time, just like people did hundreds of years ago. Anyway, it was an amazing experience and I can't wait to do it again sometime.

We went out to lunch with the group that went to the hamam that morning - 6 girls and all 7 of the guys, and then Ben and I stopped off at a local pastry shop to try some chocolate covered baklava. Let's just say I was clean and my stomach was satisfied! The baklava here is FANTASTIC. I would eat it all day if I could. It started to rain pretty heavy afterwards, so we jumped on the tram and headed back to our apartments, where I stopped at market near Galata and picked up some stuff, and then came back home to take a short nap. Our flatmates made dinner (pasta, salad, pickled veggies, yum!) and now I'm relaxing before bed.

This is also the end of phase one! Here are the different phases:

1: Two week long language course in apartment flats
2: Two week excusion to seven churches (hotels, home stays, etc)
3: Seven weeks at Yedittepe university! Staying in guest dorms
4: Cairo, Egypy!
5: Israel!
6: Palestine!

And then I am home! Ridiculous!

Regardless, I am staying in the present and getting excited for the next two weeks! Much love to everyone back home in California, I miss you all dearly!

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Fighting Sickness from Afar.

2012-01-19T04:51:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at our kitchen table in our apartment as I write this blog, with a gigantic bottle of water and a box of tissues next to me. Yes, I've somehow managed to get a cold during our first stretch of life in Istanbul, much to my dismay. I skipped our language lessons today, both out of the consideration that I don't want to get anyone else on this trip sick, and the fact that my body is tired, and rest is what it needs.

I've been inside most of the day, made a small breakfast full of fruits to help give me energy, but eventually found myself bundled up on the couch reading more chapters of The Help. I miss reading for pleasure, but having my kindle on this trip has helped a lot. It took my mind off things for a while, which is something I've been needing for a while. However, I have a Turkish Langauge exam tomorrow, so most of the rest of this afternoon and this evening will be spent cramming and studying away.

I went out and got some fresh air a while ago, took a short walk over to the small market near our apartments and picked up some items to help my body fight this sickness. Including, but not limited to: Two 1.5 liter bottled waters, two packs of plain crackers, one overpriced box of tisses, and something I hope turns out to be instant chicken noodle soup. That's the game plan for dinner tonight - and hopefully after a good (and nyquil assisted) night, I will be back up to speed by tomorrow morning.

We only have a couple more days left in these apartments - on Monday we leave Galata and drive to the airport, where our entire team will be flying to Izmir, on a two week trip to the seven churches in Revelation, and more exploration of southern Turkey. I'm excited to be back on the road, even spending two weeks getting adjusted to life here in Galata has me itching to get out and explore more of the country I now call home.

But - I have that exam hanging over my head, so I am off to study while I wait for meds to kick in and help relieve some symptoms of this cold. Blessings to all those in the US who are just waking up! Have a wonderful Thursday!

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

A few photos...

A favorite spot to blog.

Early morning sunrise from Monday.

Tuesday's sunrise, over snow-covered rooftops!

week one.

2012-01-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

I have officially been living in Istanbul for a week.

It's been one incredible week to say the least. I have explored the city, tried the local food, and learning the Turkish language at an extremely fast pace. It's been a packed week, and I feel like I have had barely anytime to breathe, but I have loved every moment of it so far.

A few highlights...

to see more photos, check out leahsadoian.tumblr.com

The first view of Istanbul, on an early rainy morning.

The very first cup of Turkish tea! Soon to become a regular drink, two to three times a day!

Dessert from lunch, melted halva which is quite delicious!

Turkish coffee. Surprising, very good!

One of the 50, 000 cats I've seen around Istanbul.

Getting ready to hop on a cruise down the Bosporus!

Crusin' the Bosporus.

Fantastic sunset!

Exploring the Aya Sofya. One of the most beautiful places I have ever been.

Smiling atop the second floor of the Aya Sofya.

Weather on a Sunday afternoon. The previous day, it was snowing!

In a nutshell, Istanbul has been amazing so far. I can't believe the amount of experiences I have had in just one week of stay here in country, and can't wait to see where the rest of the trip takes me and the rest of our group. I love getting to know the other students I am traveling with, building and strengthening friendships in the process.

To begin our second week here in Turkey, I attended a local church in the morning after enjoying a wonderful breakfast buffet downtown. I spent the afternoon catching up on homework, enjoying the stunning view from our apartment flat, and reading. It was a great way to enjoy the sabbath, and I feel refreshed and ready for another busy week of Turkish language classes. I love learning the language, even though it is quite difficult, but I know it will come in handy throughout the rest of this trip.

Please be in prayer for our team, as some members are getting sick and we don't want the illness to spread to the other students. Also, please be praying that we all have open hearts and minds to what God will do in us throughout this semester. As always, please pray for safety as we travel into some areas of unrest and experience things far outside our comfort zone as we encounter our religious neighbors and discuss some "hard" topics.

As always, email me with any questions, messages, or well wishes at lsadoian@westmont.edu

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

rhythm.

2012-01-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

A couple days into this trip and I am beginning to settle into a small rhythm. The days have been simple, but that is exactly what we have needed, now that jetlag has begun to set into our lives, and it is perhaps the most annoying thing I have had to deal with thus far abroad.

A basic layout of our days for the rest of this week and the next are very laid back. We wake up early in the morning, eat breakfast in our apartments (usually a mixture of bread, cheese, yogurt w/ honey, pomegranates and oranges, juice/coffee, etc) and then head out into the chilly morning to catch the metro down to the Levent station, where we have a short walk through the downtown to the building where we take Turkish lessons.Turkish is a difficult language, but we have been blessed with amazing teachers, who are working with us so hard to help us get a good grasp of the language in these two weeks. We now know greetings, introductions, basic questions and answers, and other bits and pieces that are helpful in navigating the city and pronouncing words. I've been loving it so far, even if it is draining. We are in class from 9:30-12:00, with a short break inbetween. During break we go to a cafe located in the bottom floor of our building and grab a bit of Turkish tea or coffee. *Side note: Turkish coffee is REALLY GOOD, but also super caffeinated.

After language lessons are over, we go with our teachers to a little restaurant to have lunch where we can chat and ask them questions about Turkey, the culture, the language, basically anything. Each day we are served a traditional Turkish meal. The first day we had menamen - which is basically scrambled eggs with veggies, and today we had hamis - a fish (like an anchovy or sardine) from the black sea that is lightly fried. Both were delicious, but very different from what I am used to in the states. That has happened with almost all of the food here, but it is all very good! I have grown very fond of the block cheese you can get at local markets and fresh squeezed (and 100%) juice you can buy for very cheap almost on every block in the city. Not to mention "çay" (pronounced "chai"), which is turkish for tea: less than a US dollar, and delicious! I have had two to three cups a day, it has a very light flavor and is perfect with a couple sugar cubes.

When we are done with lunch, we hop on a bus that drops us off in Taxism square, where we are free to go do whatever we want for the rest of the day. I am usually pretty tired by that time, so I hop on the metro back to Şişme, and come back to my apartment where I try to do a bit of homework, maybe take or nap, or simply enjoy the amazing view out of our window which looks out over the Bosporus to the Asian side of Istanbul - a stunning view of both the Aya Sophia and the Topkapi Palace. As the evening approaches, we sometimes make dinner here at the flat (my housemate Jenna makes outstanding food!), or eat out with another flat. I went to a small coffee shop with Shea one night to study Turkish and it had a sweet, American type atmosphere. I plan on exploring more of the city tomorrow and the rest of this week before studying gets more intense next week.

I don't really have words to describe what it's like to live in a city on the other side of the world. It's such a unique experience, I'm unsure I will be able to really grasp words to say until the trip is over. As for now, I am trying to soak in as much as I can, take photos and try all the local food. We fly to Izmir on the after next week, then traveling for two weeks to the 7 churches, and then moving back into Istanbul at a local university where we will stay for seven weeks taking our main courses. Finally, we move out of Turkey and into Cairo, then Israel, and finally Palestine before flying back home.

I have to constantly ask myself, "Is this even happening? Am I really here in another country, living here for four months and getting to do it with a group of 25 other amazing people?" I often have a David after Dentist moment where I have to sit back and ask "Is this real life?" Because honestly, I still cannot believe I am here. It is a wonderful feeling though, being able to put the traveling to Istanbul, the huge airports, passport checks, waiting at the gates, long plane rides and recycled air behind me.

It is almost midnight, and I have a 7am wake up call tomorrow to get ready for day three of Turkish lessons, meaning I need to go get ready for bed soon. Considering the rest of my flat is asleep, I need to go to bed before jetlag keeps me up for another ridiculous night of laying awake in my bed surfing the net on my iPhone for ways to help get rid of jetlag. True story.

Tomorrow brings another day of adventures, turkish coffee, and most likely rainy weather.
Wonderful.

"I'm sweating because I'm laughing...do you ever laugh so much you start sweating??"

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

A full first day.

2012-01-08T12:15:00.000-08:00

I am currently sitting in my apartment flat, after a long day of exploring Istanbul, and I am tired. I apologize in advance for a short post, but here we go.

I have arrived in Turkey! I am still in disbelief, but I am here, everyone on our team is here, and we have made it through our first day in country. After over 24 hours of travel from LA, our entire team boarded a very bumpy flight from Frankfurt, Germany into Istanbul. We managed to squeeze everyone and their luggage onto a small bus, and drove to our apartments where we will be staying for the next two weeks. Beautiful, stunning views of the Aya Sophia and the Topkapi palace from our windows, and comfortable beds to sleep off the jet lag.

We spent the day doing a scavenger hunt around the city, finding different landmarks, riding the metro, and using Turkish "Lira" (main form of currency) to purchase small items like house slippers, tea, local street food, and other stuff. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, we ride the metro to a language school where we will be learning how to speak Turkish - which is all we are doing for the two weeks.

This is a beautiful city.

I can't describe what it is like to walk the streets, hear the language, eat the local food and drink local tea, hear the call to prayer and see beautiful, stunning, mosques around every corner. I can't wait to be familiar with the city and explore some more. Granted, knowing the language might help, so I need to make the most out of the next two weeks. This being said, I need to sleep, so I post more in the upcoming days.

If you want to see a few snapshots of today, head on over to leahsadoian.tumblr.com.

"Wait...when does it move?"

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

2012.

2012-01-01T13:21:00.000-08:00

The New Year has arrived.

How did I celebrate? Nothing special, watched tv all day with my parents and then food network with my Dad until the clock hit midnight, and went to bed.

There is only one thing on my mind right now.
The fact that in 4 short days I'm going to be on an airplane headed to Istanbul, Turkey for the next four months.

I don't feel ready at all, but too bad. I'm leaving soon.

Here's a look back on my journal entries regarding this upcoming trip.

March 1st 2011
March has arrived - believe it or not! And this month is off to a spectacular start! I'M GOING TO ISTANBUL NEXT SPRING! Best news of the day - I'm literally still reeling in excitement.

August 14th 2011
I'm getting excited for my upcoming semester at Westmont and being different but still a bit same. And then? ISTANBUL. Which is rapidly approaching, whether I am ready or not. Guess it's time to start that summer reading I kind of forgot about...

September 16th 2011
I am booking flights this week, which is INSANE. I am abroad in a little over 3 months! So crazy...there is so much to do before then, but I want to leave already too. It'll be here before I know it!

September 22nd 2011
But on an exciting note - my flights to Istanbul are officially booked! I can't believe it, I really can't. It seems to surreal, but departure will be here before I know it. January 6th may seem ages away, but I know this semester will fly by.

I'm ready for a challenge, a new adventure and a time to grow. That's why Istanbul seems like such a great experience. I want to be someone new, create new friendships and be spontaneous. I can't wait for Istanbul! There i so much t come, and as of 11:45am on January 6th 2012, I'll be on my way.

October 30th 2011.
The pages of this journal are running out - soon I will be closing the chapter on this book and beginning a new blank book in January. I look back on my entries from this summer and freshman year - feels so long ago, but at the same time feels like just yesterday. Time is going by far too quickly. 67 days to go, and then a new adventure begins in Istanbul, Turkey. There is a lot of stuff to take care of before then, but January 6th can't come fast enough!

December 4th 2011
This is it. The last two weeks at Westmont before I embark on this ridiculous adventure next semester. One more month, and I'll be in Istanbul with 22 other kids, learning, growing, and laughing together. As much as I want to look towards that day, I have a lot to take care of before I leave. Let finals begin...

December 29th 2011
But the fact is in one week I am going to hop on a plane and fly to Turkey with 22 other kids, and I need to have an attitude that will keep my head high and persona positive. I need to regain my confidence. I need to get excited for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I have to shake this scared feeling off and know that this trip and all that comes with it is in God's plan for me.

So, it's here.

I only have a couple days left, and as much as I want another week or two to soak up everything I love about home - I don't have that choice so I am heading into the most exciting four months of my life with my head held high.

Time to be productive, time to get stuff done, and yes - I have already made a to-do list for today.

Let's do this thing.

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Twas the blogpost before Christmas...

2011-12-24T16:14:00.000-08:00

Winter break has been delightful so far.

The end of my first week at home has been sprinkled with highlights of fantastic mexican food, spending lazy mornings with my cat, talking politics and tax rates with Dad, staying up late with Mom admiring the tree and talking about life, and enjoying the last few weeks of life in the states.

Westmont and this semester feels so long ago in my mind. It feels although I have been at home for the past month, this week slowly trickling by - no opposition from me, I'd love for winter break to feel like this forever. Jared has safely arrived back on the west coast, and the family is finally all together again, the first time since Christmas last year.

Tonight, our family attends the Christmas eve service at our church, Papa Murphy's pizza for dinner, a bit of present opening and cocktails all around, and then tomorrow is Christmas! Sunday morning service, and then the Musson Family Christmas for the rest of the day. Lovely, lovely weekend.

Here is a short photo montage of my week at home so far.

Small reunion with the Sadoian brothers. In their words, "a bunch of old farts."

After church on a crisp December Sunday morning in Dinuba.

Mom and I put up the Christmas tree, handmade angel from Christmas past on top.

Lazy kitty loves the tree.

Vanilla tea latte - personal recipe that ended up being a huge success!

My favorite part of the night. This cat adores this tree.

Mini oreo cheesecakes. HUGE hit at the Feaver's ugly sweater party. Recipe here.

More of kitty and the tree.

Margo's standard dress after bathtime.

Ben and Chris playing at the sushi bar. Great tunes!

Gi-normus shirley temple from the bar. With everyone else drinking top-of-the-line wine, I think this might have been out of pity. Only 1 1/2 years to go!

Denny's at 11pm. Fried cheese melt. Grilled cheese with 4 mozzarella sticks grilled in the sandwich. Best, and worst decision ever.

Merry Christmas everyone, spend time with family, soak up the holiday spirit, and remember the real reason why we celebrate this holiday.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this."

May God bless you and your family in this holiday season.

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Finals Mode: Commencing.

2011-12-08T19:54:00.001-08:00

I have the most insane week coming up.

5 final exams. FIVE. One per day, (minus Thursday, which unfortunately has two) until Friday.

Then, come Friday at 10am, I AM DONE with the first semester of sophomore year, and my time on campus here at Westmont until next fall.

Is that even possible? Legal? I'm running out of adjectives here.
But seriously.

I am ready to be done. I am ready to stop stressing about schoolwork, to be able to say I finished wholeheartedly and take a well deserved break. It is so close I can almost taste it, but standing in between me and that finish line are five huge exams. Five large, intimidating, sharp-toothed exams, hiding underneath the deceiving covers of green books and free coffee from the library, waiting for their chance to catch me off-guard, to throw a curveball question, to keep me up studying the night before so I can't focus during the test period, just waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

I kind of feel like the heroine in a Disney/Pixar movie who is about to prove all her peers wrong by taking down the monster that stands between me and being done. That seems impossible in every way, shape and form, yet stands there for me to face. The foe that waits for me, the fear hanging over my head, waiting on my desk in the classroom I spent a whole semester in, the foe that sneers underneath saying You forgot to study this, you misread that portion, you can't do this.

And yet I will spend this weekend preparing, I will study my brains out, I will hold my head high walking into my examinations. I will drink more coffee than I ever have this semester (thank goodness it's free), I will plan my time accordingly, and I will swiftly slay each and every single one of those exams with a smooth ball-point pen and a strong, blank green book. I will be confident, I will be prepared, and I will conquer finals week.

I'm sitting in the library right now, taking a small break from putting together my Greek study guide for next week, and somehow, I couldn't feel more content with life. Yes, I have a stressful week coming up, but I made it through that hellish week last week, and I've made it through much worse. This is just another week, a crazy week yes, but just a week nonetheless. I'm going into finals week with a positive attitude, and nothing can change that.

Bring it on, you little devil exams.
I'm ready.

"IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN"

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

One Month.

2011-12-06T19:24:00.001-08:00

I will be here in one month.

Oh, I cannot contain my excitement...

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Saturday Night and Starbucks.

2011-12-03T19:52:00.001-08:00

There's just something about sitting at my local Starbucks, iced tea in hand, on a Saturday night that makes me feel good.

I somehow made it through this hellish week - and I owe the fact that I am alive and still functioning right now all to God, cause He really pulled through this week, like he always does. He provided me with so much strength, focus, and restful nights (despite the short sleeping hours) that all together helped me push through this last big week of the semester.

Granted, I still have one more week of class and one killer week of finals before I can really say I'm done, but this week that is ending tonight was jammed full of absolutely everything and anything that could possible happen.

Research Paper
Aya Sophia Presentation
Greek Vocabulary Quiz (369 terms. BUT, we are only tested on 10...)
Final Project Paper
New Testament Exam
New Testamant Paper
RA Interviews/Group Processing
Fire Evacuation (which ended with me writing my paper in the gym, then the B1 lounge till 1am)
Pickle Tree Lighting
Christmas Dinner (and a ridiculous wait in line)

Throw on top of that the usual normal homework load and I was really feeling the weight on my shoulders this week. Not to mention the week after Thanksgiving break is always slow...trying to get back into the swing of things and remember to give it my all this final push before the end of the semester.

It's so close, I can almost taste it. Literally, I have 5 more days of class, 5 finals, and then I am DONE at Westmont till junior year. Weird? Yes. Really weird. And in 35 short days, I am boarding a plane and flying myself to a foreign country that doesn't speak English for 4 months, and most likely the adventure of a lifetime.

This...is happening.

I don't understand where or when I "grew up," but the days of high school, and basically my childhood are behind me. I never thought come my sophomore year of college I would be studying abroad in Istanbul, Turkey - but here I am...finishing up the last minute details and getting ready to do this. Is it weird that I still am in a bit of disbelief about all of it? Because I am. And I'm not sure I'm going to grasp the whole feel of it until I step off that plane onto Turkish ground and see everything in person.

I am so blessed to have this opportunity.

Not just to go abroad for a semester in the Middle East, but to attend an amazing school like Westmont and be able to pursue my higher education here. Everyday I see new blessings this school has given me, and I can't thank God enough for that one day my senior year when I received my rejection letter from Boston College that led to my decision to come to Westmont. I guess my second choice wasn't too terrible after all.

It's funny how things work like that, but remembering that my idea of how my life will turn out usually isn't how God has planned it out, so when little surprises and roadblocks that happen, I need to remember that, in the wise words of Relient K, the end will justify the pain it took to get us here. From all the heartbreak in my life so far, there have been an abundance of blessings that outweigh them. And right there with me, the entire time, holding my hand through everything, the good and the bad, has been God. And he's not going to leave any time soon.

So as I embark on the "final stretch" I remember how much I've been through, but I also remember the faithfulness of God that has come through so many times before. May this serve as a reminder to you as well.

"I lift my eyes up to the mountain, where does my help comes from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Friday Night Lights

2011-11-27T16:03:00.001-08:00

I love central valley football.
That might be an understatement, but after a year and a half at a college without a football team, coming back to Dinuba and getting to see a football game was just what I've needed.

The packed stands. The smell of the concession stand. The band. The familiar cheers. The motorcycles roaring. The bells, the balloons, and the screams of the crowd. Mr. Zimmerman announcing. "It's another Dinuba....FIRST DOWN!" The fight song. The kickoff traditions. Dinuba takes football seriously, and that's the truth.

My dad and I bundled up for a chilly night and took to the stands for Dinuba's first playoff game in the second round of Division III playoffs last Friday night. Dinuba Emperors (ranked number 1) versus the Mt. Whitney Pioneers. Great matchup, great players, and a fantastic game.

I get to watch boys that were freshman and sophomores when I was in high school take on the responsibility of leading their team - to an undefeated season so far. Andrew Worthley and Ben Kamerin, two boys I've known through choir making big plays and being role models for the rest of the team. I'm so proud of this group of guys, they make Dinuba proud.

I love football. My dad loves football. It's one of the things I miss the most when I am at Westmont. Especially when our hometown team has a season like it has been having so far, I just want to go to a football game and cheer on the boys with the rest of our town. So having the chance to go to a playoff game with my Dad over break was perfect.

Not to mention the boys brought home a win, taking down the pioneers 47-10, with too many great plays to count. Ben and Andrew both scored touchdowns, and I loved cheering along with current students, recent alumni, and a few old alumni as well. I saw so many people I know from my town, and I loved every moment of it.

A new tradition has been started this year. After each game, the boys come up on the track and sing our school's fight song to the crowd. I love this. I love our fight song, and I'm so happy more than just the choir knows it now!

Fight, fight, fight Dinuba, fight, fight, fight

March that ball right down the field

Come on you Dinuba, green and white

Hail Dinuba, fight, fight, fight

Hail, hail, the emperors, hail, hail to thee

Dinuba, Dinuba, fight fight fight to victory!

Hail Dinuba, Fight Dinuba

Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah - Go!

Fight, fight, fight Dinuba, fight, fight, fight

March that ball right down the field

Come on you Dinuba, green and white

Hail Dinuba, fight, fight, fight

Hail, hail, the emperors, hail, hail to thee

Dinuba, Dinuba, fight fight fight to victory!

Best of luck to the boys, as they take on 5th ranked Kingsburg this coming Friday. It's a rematch from earlier this season during league play, when Dinuba beat Kingsburg 17-14. I want to be back in the stands for that game, but alas, I am back in Santa Barbara and into the final stretch of the semester.

But you can bet I'll be wearing my green and white and humming the fight song on campus.

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Giving Thanks Through the Year

2011-11-24T12:17:00.001-08:00

This year, I have a lot to be thankful for.
Here's a review of what I've been thankful for over the past year.

November

This time last year I was just getting into the swing of college, and I was thankful for friends that would always be down to hang out, take photos, and have a ridiculous time. This photo was taken November 21st, 2010 just before all of us left for break, and was the result of Kelli basically running into our rooms and saying "Let's do a photoshoot!" where we then rounded up Esther, Bry and Annie (and ran into Jo at the library rock) and created some great memories. I am thankful for new friends.

December

December was the end of my first semester of college, and this month I was thankful I could come home and be with my entire family, including my big brother. He cooked us a fabulous Christmas dinner (showing off some new skills picked up on the East Coast), quite delicious. He's hilarious, encouraging, and always there for me. I am thankful I have an amazing big brother.

January

It's not everyday you can wake up at 4:30am, go on a hike with some friends, and get to watch a sunrise like this. Living in Santa Barbara over the past year has been incredible - in every sense of the world. I see God's beauty all over my campus, the beach, downtown, and up in the hills. I am thankful for God's creation.

February

During the month of February, I was finalizing music details, working on new arrangements, and loving the fact that I could walk right outside, play a song, and there would be people there to listen. I have grown so much musically over this year, and I can't express how much that means to me. I am thankful for my musical pursuits.

Marc

Disco skate was one of my favorite events of freshman year. I am thankful for friends that embrace our weird and sometimes ridiculous personalities. I love going to a school where I can be myself and no one will think that's wrong. I am thankful for my unique personality.

April

Spring Sing. Two words that sum up most of the second semester of my freshman year. It created so many memories, so many songs stuck in peoples heads, so many late-night last-minute fixes, and one incredible night I won't forget. I am thankful for Spring Sing.

May

I think it's an understatement to say I am thankful for my freshman section. These girls became some of my closest friends and I can't imagine life without them. From late night trips to the beach, dominating in Gotcha, basically running Spring Sing, study sessions, sin water, plumbing issues, and a common bond of being a group of ninjas that lasted from our first meeting together, these girls are amazing in every way. I am thankful for Clark K.

June

It's the place I've spent my summers at since 2000. It's the smell of the mountain air, the friendships that have lasted through the years, and the memories I have in this place. Calvin Crest has, and always will be such a huge part of my life. I love the location, the people, the mission, and everything about camp. I am thankful for Calvin Crest.

July

Three kids I kind of knew before the summer started became some of my closest friends by the end of our time together. These amazing people and I share a common bond of dish rushes, salad bars, warmers, faulty camp cars, early morning shifts and milkshakes. The kitchen team from this last summer blew me away - and I love them so much. I am thankful for my kitch family.

August

Coming back to Westmont after an amazing summer was an interesting experience. Especially beginning life as a sophomore and closing the chapter on freshman year - I wasn't sure if I was liking any of it anymore. However, God is faithful, and Westmont is still home. I love this place, I love that i have the opportunity to attend school here, and I am thankful for everyone I've met at this place. I am thankful for Westmont.

September

I love food. I love to eat, I love to cook, and I love to try new foods. This year, the DC hasn't been too top-notch, but I am thankful none-the-less that I can get three meals and day, plus snacks whenever I want them. We have such a hard-working staff in the dining commons, and I thank them whenever I can. I am thankful for Westmont's DC.

October

Halloween 2011 was such a fun night. Being able to dance the night away with friends that I've had over the past year was just incredible. It was a night to remember, and I loved every moment of it. These girls are incredible, and I am so happy our friendships are still strong. I am thankful for lasting friendships.

November

This month, I am thankful for a lot of things. One highlight of November was the opportunity for Clark K (my freshman section) to attend a section meeting of the current residents of Clark K - share stories, wisdom, and get to know the girls who now live in our old stomping grounds. They are an amazing group of girls, and sitting down with them and getting to hang out with them made me really excited about the process of applying to be a Resident Assistant for next year. ResLife is amazing, and it was so important for me my freshman year. I am thankful for Westmont's Residence Life.

So all together, this year has been one which I have had so much to give thanks for, and I know as I begin my adventures in the Middle East come January the list will continue to grow. Tonight, I celebrate the holiday with family and friends, eat until I can't feel my stomach, and enjoy the last stretch of break.

I love Thanksgiving.

"Give thanks in all circumstances."

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

"Occupy [enter school name/city/landmark here]

2011-11-23T21:34:00.001-08:00

This is a repost from a post I wrote on my tumblr earlier this week after I had a conversation with my Dad about the recent "Occupy" movements. He wanted to know if there was an "Occupy Westmont" movement, I said yes - but it was a joke. It made me think. And this is what I came to after thinking.

People stir up other people. They persuade, they talk, they share stories and hopes and dreams, but their goal is to persuade. They want others to join their cause, to join their movement, to flip their mindsets and see things in a new light.

The latest craze is the occupy movements.
And I don't like them.

I don't like protests in general, they make me feel awkward and ungrateful for what I have. But then again, not all protests fall into that category. Sometimes a movement like that is necessary, ie: Civil Rights movement. However, in my opinion - the occupy movement really isn't doing anything other than stirring other people up.

The 1%. The 99%.
Where do I fall?

First of all, this is a HUGE exaggeration. It should really be somewhere along the lines of the 30% and the 70%. Narrowing it down to 1 and 99 makes it extreme. Makes it a lot bigger than we need it to be. And it creates distinct sides.

According to my Dad, with the exaggeration of 1% and 99%, I fall in the 99%. No surprise there. We have a house, we have a steady income, but we are not "upper-class" but we are not "lower-class" either. So why am I not fired up about being in the 99%? Why am I not joining in the Occupy Santa Barbara movement, or the (semi-fake) Occupy Westmont Movement?

Because I don't need to.
I don't need to complain about what I don't have.

I don't need to draw attention to the fact that maybe others have more than me, that perhaps I do wish I had more, and maybe that I sometimes feel like I am at the bottom of the 99%. I don't want to talk about anything like that. I don't need to.

I have everything I need. I live in a country that protects my freedom. I go to a school that I can't afford, but thanks to financial aid (FREE MONEY GIVEN TO ME) I can. I have a part-time job, I make enough to afford nice clothes and buy food, and I have a roof over my head. Why join the occupy movement when I don't need to draw attention to that which I don't have?

Maybe I want a nice car. Maybe I want a car in general. Maybe I want a little extra spending cash. Maybe I need this, or that, or want this, or that - but do I really? No. I don't.

In America, I am the 99%.
In the world, I am the 1%.

Some of the lowest-earning individuals in the US fall into the 1% of the world.

If you can read. If you can write. If you have a car. If you eat food everyday. If you can walk outside and protest. If you can even participate in an Occupy Movement, you fall into the 1% of the world. Perhaps not entirely statistically correct, but then again - the 1% and 99% we go with aren't entirely correct either.

In the US, we are protesting about a greedy government, and the 1%.
In Cairo, Egypt, they are protesting against a totalitarian government.

Which seems more important to you?

In the US, students at UC Davis get tear-gassed in one incident, and the nation is in an uproar. This is not okay - in fact, I was even in an uproar about it. But in Egypt, millions of citizens get tear-gassed at every single protest, many of them dying and their nation isn't in an uproar - they are out protesting with their fellow citizens.

I'm not complaining about what I don't have.
I'm not drawing attention to the fact I am the 99%.
There are people out there who have so, so, much less than us.

Be thankful for what you have this thanksgiving.
They are many out there who wish they could be in your shoes, even if you are the "99%."

thanksgiving break thus far

2011-11-22T21:40:00.001-08:00

I love being home.
I love being in a place I know, I remember, I have fond memories of, and a place I feel completely confortable in.

Westmont falls into much of those categories, but hey - at least my cat is here.

It's Tuesday night, I'm lounging on my couch watching Transformers 2 with my cat, after a lazy day consisting of a lot of homework. It seems like that is much of what break is going to look like for the upcoming days - homework, errands, and finalizing some details for the upcoming months.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to be back at school. I think my favorite part of the school year may be the few short weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas break. It's the holiday season all over campus, students can listen to Christmas music with no reservations, Pickle Tree lighting, dorm events, and hot chocolate everywhere. Minus finals week - it's the way I wish college could be all the time. But alas, I only get two weeks (three if you count finals) to enjoy it, so I plan on making the most out of it while I can.

Tomorrow brings more homework, a trip to Wal Mart to pick up a few much needed items and scope the layout for black friday madness, maybe a bit of baking, and some cleaning to get done before the big day hits. Anyway, here are a few snapshots of thanksgiving break thus far. Enjoy!

The newest edition to our family! Dusty, a rescue from the streets.

Somethings never change. Someone's ready for bedtime!

Hipster kitty is hipster.

Lazy days allow me to actually get ready in the morning.

Dad and Dusty, cleaning the backyard

Watching Transformers, lounging and being lazy.

"Give thanks in all circumstances."

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Excuses, Updates, and Photos.

2011-11-20T20:50:00.000-08:00

I know it's lame to say I'm too "busy" to blog, but honestly, this semester has kicked my butt, handed to me on a platter, and then reminded me that I have an exam, paper, night activity, and final project to finish by the end of the week. Even as I write this, my mind is among the large amount of work I have to do this week - despite the fact it is Thanksgiving break.

So in all honestly, that's why I haven't been updating as much as I've wanted to this semester. Plus, sophomore year really hasn't been anything to yell about. It's been normal. Lots of school. Lots of work. Not much of a social life. I've gone through some rough spots, I've hit the sophomore slump and managed to slowly trudge my way through it (imagine attempting to spring through a large mud pit) and come out on the other side, exhausted, dirty, tired, but - in one piece.

The sophomore slump sucked. No one told me it would happen. No one told me to expect it, so I guess it hit me really hard. Now that it's over and now that I am only 3 short weeks away from this semester being over and the adventures that next semester abroad will bring, I find myself in a very odd place.

I am going to miss Westmont so much. I am going to miss people I love, teachers I admire, and activities that are only present in the spring. BUT I can't wait to live in Turkey. I can't wait for the cold weather and the rain. I can't wait to travel until we are sick of it with a group of people I only somewhat know right now. I can't wait to eat unusual and fantastic food. I. Can't. Wait.

46 more days.

Yes, my blog will be updated more during that semester. I've given though to a video blog, but I suppose I will be just as busy traveling Turkey as I am this semester trying to make my way through 18 units. Who would have thought that 18 units would mean no social life, and a current level of stress that can either boil over or cool down depending on a certain work load for a week.

But, God is good regardless. He has brought me this far, and also blessed me with a bit of extra Thanksgiving break, which I am spending catching up on homework and relaxin, updating my blog, spending time with friends, and enjoying a cold, chilly, and rainy Dinuba. It's simply wonderful to be on break, to be home, to SEE MY CAT, and to spend time with family.

Here are a few photos to catch you up on my life since I've last updated.

B1 Picnic with new friends, and a familiar place.

Section date with A2 to sky high!

Halloween 2011.

First red cup of the season :)

Emily Hall and Rachel Hamlin come to visit SB!

Rachel, Leo and I at the end of the pier.

First whodidily cupcake of the year - gobsmaker!

Glorious Sunday shots on the way home from church with Annie :)

Kylie and I, getting in touch with our creepin' side before Capax Dei.

The ol' Clark K gang got together to meet the new residents of our beloved section.

Wonderful girls, hilarious stories, and new friends.

This makes me REALLY excited about the possibility of being an RA next year!

Speaking of which, please keep me in your prayers - I am deep within the application process to be a Resident Assistant next year, and I am keeping my fingers crossed I get placed with a freshman section. Beyond the financial aid (free housing!) I have been earnestly praying and seeking God's will in this. Whether I am given the opportunity to be an RA next year, or not, I am holding God above it all, trusting that he will lead me into an amazing and blessed place for my junior year. Especially because I am doing the application process so early, and won't find out if I get the job till February, I know this can be something that will plague my mind and cause me to worry. I don't need to worry - God already knows if I get the job, where I end up, and even who my potential future residents will be. Please be praying that I daily surrender this desire to God, and trust in him completely.

He will take me somewhere great.

"No, O People, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

No. School. Till (after). Fourday.

2011-10-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

The halfway mark of the semester is almost upon us.

6 weeks of school finished - and a wonderful four day weekend as a reward.

Fourday has been...quiet.

Very quiet.

Because the majority of the campus is home, in San Francisco, the Davis PreMed conference, and apparently the Grand Canyon, I spent most of this long weekend on my own. Well, not completely. On my own, meaning myself and a unreasonably huge amount of homework.

Yes, I am that student that spent the fall vacation doing homework. And when not doing homework, watching re-runs of Bones, The Big Bang Theory, The Office and Parks and Rec in her dorm room. I live such a grand life.

But, four day has been refreshing. In the concept that for a good solid four days, I've been able to catch up on sleep, see my parents (and get a fantastic lunch at Peabodys!), do a TON of homework, get ahead of the game, and spend some alone time. It's been a beautiful weekend, and I still have a full day tomorrow. Since homework is basically done - PRODUCTIVITY B*TCHES - I think I'm going to go hang around State Street on my own, maybe do a bit of shopping, grab a starbucks, and people watch for a while.

Hmph.

It's been a good six weeks of school, but I'm ready for this semester to be over. I'm ready to be back home, where I know where I am, who I am, and I'm back around people who know me. I am literally counting down the days till Thanksgiving (and my first trip back home this semester), the end of the semester, CHRISTMAS, and then departure for Istanbul. In that order. With the nearest only a shy 42 days away, and the longest 87 days. Can they get here any faster? Seriously.

Well, it's 11:09pm, I'm done memorizing Greek vocabulary (and catching up on Parks and Rec, as was the plan for the evening) and I think I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow brings a quiet breakfast with my bible, journal, and a cup of coffee - and then whatever the rest of the day will bring.

I live such a beautiful life.

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

"God I look to you, you're where my help comes from. Give me wisdom, you know just what to do."

Week 3.

2011-09-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since my last update.

Things have been normal. I'm getting settled back into life as a student, dealing with heavy workload classes, and doing my best not to trudge through life, but rather enjoyably stroll through it.

Things are good. They feel like they are beginning to settle back into the way they used to be, and I am thankful for that. Westmont feels more like home now. And 4-day is only a few weeks away! I cannot wait for a short break, a dead campus, and a visit from the parents :)

Here are a few highlights from my 3rd week of sophomore year:

Sunday night songwriting is done, a new song is finished, and I have never felt more comfortable with a finished product than I do now. Perfectly simple, plain, honest and true. It's worth the listen, so if you are interested to hearing it, click here to visit my FB music page and check it out!

My favorite Monday night activity. Studying/doing homework for Greek (favorite class!) and mug of tea with honey. Relaxing, and enjoyable. I love learning this language and digging deeper into scripture, now that I can semi-read it in it's original context!

The first photoshoot of the year! Baylee, Diana, Kelli, Misha and I went out to take photos and enjoy some time down on state street and it was delightful :) I'm glad our friendships have stayed solid over the summer. And I got to see the turtle pond for the first time!!!

Another shot from the photoshoot of some beautiful flowers we passed when walking by Butterfly Beach.

MAC N CHEESE BAR. Seriously, the highlight of my week. The DC stepped it up a notch with this fantastic wild card lunch, and I applaud them. Cheesy noodles, perfectly cooked with chili, hotdogs and ham. It was reliving my childhood lunches from days past. PLEASE KEEP THIS FOREVER IN THE DC.

So, all in all...things are getting back to normal. And that's the best I've felt since I've been back at Westmont. Maybe it took a hit, a fall to the ground, a cry to my Father and a beloved rescue for me to realize that things are going to be just fine, and I can rejoice in that.

God is good. I can't wait to see where the coming weeks lead me and lead us.

"In the house of God, forever."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Adorn and Assassins.

2011-09-10T15:03:00.001-07:00

This has been one hell of a week.

I'm not really sure if I could pick one adjective in turn to describe it, but as I type out this particular blog post in the library on an overcast Saturday afternoon, I'm perfectly fine with that.

Let me summarize as best as I can.

God has restored the joy in my life.

There's something about being in a very uncomfortable place in life that forces you to realize what you have to be thankful for, who you trust in, and the effort required in making the long trek out of that low ditch. That's been this week.

Long classes, heavy coursework, the beginning of work in Admissions, and feeling overwhelmed. Then, upon the bright silver lining that is Friday, I find myself at Adorn at Reality Carp. It was a bit of a surprise on my own, just deciding one afternoon I wanted to check this out, and why not? It's not like I had any other plans for Friday night.

It was probably the best decision I could have made when I was stuck in that ditch of last week.

Packing the sanctuary full of college students from Westmont and beyond, praising our Lord and hearing Lazo speak words I've needed to hear. It was an incredible and enlightening experience. And realizing that when I'm worshipping God, when I'm in that place of vulnerability, humility, and complete and total honesty, Satan has absolutely no hold upon me.

Amen.

I've been crying out to my Father so much this past week, seeking deliverance from this madness, and then coming into this place where I've found it, where I've experience the Lord restoring joy to my life, and watching this prayer be answered has been amazing. I can't even describe it. Words don't do it justice.

I've found the peace I've been searching for. In the One who's been here this whole time, with arms wide open, inviting me back to where I need to be, and yet I've ran. I've tried to fix everything on my own, focusing on what is wrong and how I can resolve the loneliness. But when it all crashed down, when I fell asleep with nothing but tears, when I was completely convinced that I was alone, He picked me up. He held me close and told me it's going to be okay. He lavishes this amazing, and pure peace upon me, and everything feels right.

A song we sang last night summed up everything I've been needing to say to God, in a melodic and soft tone of fear that I cling to. But as the words hit my heart, and my heart began to cry out, the tears came and I realized fully and completely that I will never, ever be alone. No matter where I go, how far I run, God will always be there. And I can't thank him enough.

God is so good.

After this amazing evening, I had the opportunity to join in with some college students in a game of Assassins. Which was another great decision this week :)

Assassins with a rowdy bunch of college students, dressed up in black, face paint and all.

Laughing too hard, running around downtown Santa Barbara, hiding in bushes, jumping through yards, getting chased by cars with flashing lights, finding my way to the Mission despite having no idea of direction and then the sense of accomplishment when finally arriving there.

I smile even now, the next morning after 3 hours of homework (and probably another 4 to go). It was such a good way to start my weekend, and I can't thank God enough. There is so much I fear and worry about in this beginning of my sophomore year, and it's foolish. I fear none but the Almighty, and He wants the best for me. In fact, he's making the best come true in my life everyday, even though I don't realize it.

This is a new start.

This is what I've needed all along.

"I'm so forgetful, but You always remind me. You're the only one who brings me peace."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

On a side note: Here is the song that hit my heart so hard last night. My prayer is that it might break yours down so you can be rebuilt as well. Blessings.

Familiarity.

2011-08-31T21:38:00.000-07:00

This place feels all too familiar.

The faces, the atmosphere, the DC food, chapels, and hiking around campus.

The sunny weather, the sound of the shuttle making it's way up Page hill, the misty mornings and beautiful sunsets.

But the feelings within me are ones I haven't experienced since being at Westmont.

Feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and an ache for home.

A bit of my soul doesn't feel right here.

Nobody told me that sophomore year was going to feel like this.

But then again, I don't think anybody had the responsibility to tell me that obviously sophomore year would be different from freshman year. It's a fact that's assumed. And somehow, I managed to make myself believe that I could come back to Westmont and see everything exactly the same as I did a year ago.

That's not true.

And now, I'm seeing that face-to-face.

I know I changed this summer. I know I grew, I learned, I accepted and I'm not the same person I was when I left this place in May. I forgot to account in my mind that this transformation was not only occurring in my life, but in the life of many friends and acquaintances I had from the year past. How could I think that life at Westmont would not change after 4 months apart from these people?

I am not unhappy here, I am just going through a bit of...shock with how expectations for this year have already fell apart. That does not mean that this rut I seem to be in will reflect how the rest of this semester will play out, but it's not the way I wanted to start it off.

I spent some time in prayer last night, asking God for peace, and understanding. Understanding that this is where I have been called, and where I need to be right now, understanding that would lead to the peace I seem to so easily have lost. I need to be reminded of the Lord's faithfulness, of His everlasting love to those who earnestly seek after Him, and the comfort that can only be found in Him, and Him alone.

Pray for me.

Pray for this school, my friends, and the sticky transition I seem to have found myself in. Prayer is the most powerful weapon I have in this battle, and I plan on putting it to good use.

This is not the end, nor anything I need to worry about.

I will meditate on peace tonight.

Peace.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Let your hearts not be troubled, and do not be afraid."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

I think the hardest thing

2011-08-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

is not being able to understand.

Another closing to another chapter.

2011-08-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

And so, another summer draws to a close.

My last day on the mountaintop.

Spending the afternoon packing.

Talking memories with fellow staff, the last dish rush, the last salad bar re-fill, the last lazy afternoon time-off.

It would be stupid to say that this summer flew by. I mean, it did, but it was also two and half months filled with everything good and fruitful. It is overflowing with memories, laughter, lessons learned and I feel like I'm leaving this place a different person.

This summer has given me hope.

Being around a group of people as inspiring as this staff I've had the blessed opportunity to work with, seeing them put others before themselves, serve God and others, and be Christ in a world that needs renewal - it has given me hope. We have become so close, close enough to be called a family, siblings tied together through a strong bond in Christ. I love these people so much.

This summer has been spirit-filled.

God has spoke to me so much about everything that has been on my mind over this year. About patience. About trust. About submission and about what really needs to top my priority list. Revealing Himself, and teaching me about what it really means to be a faithful follower. Learning how to be a shepherd. God has been incredibly good to me, and even through difficult situations, has taught me about continuous love and his faithfulness. I am so thankful He has been here with me through everything.

This summer has been hilarious.

I love my friends, and the way they can make me laugh. There's just something about camp friends that people who don't experience a community like this simply can't understand. I am so thankful friendships that were formed three, four, even five years ago are still strong and growing. These people know me, they make me laugh, they are here for the right reasons. This staff has exceed every expectation I could have ever had about this summer. They were called. And they have fulfilled that calling exceedingly well.

This summer has been everything I've needed.

And I can't wait to see what this next year holds for me.

"You make me new. You are making me new."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

This week.

2011-07-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

Taught me a lot about myself.

And life.

And people.

Places.

Feelings.

Memories.

I can't do any of this on my own. I have come to realize that so many times, but right now, it's hit me the hardest. I really can't, so I'm committing every last bit of me to You. Because You know me better than I know myself. You've got to do you plan in me.

God, you have this life. You have all of this life. You have every last bit of me that I want to cling to so terribly, that I refuse to let it, I rip it out of my possession and into yours. I want you to take it away from me so I cannot mess around with it anymore.

This is Yours, and fully Yours.

I need you.

"The Lord watches over you."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2011-07-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

There is a part of me.

A small portion of my soul, tied to you.

Tied to what we had, what we were, what I've wished for and what I yearn for.

Knotted tight to the idea of us, and the hope I have.

The line holding us together is strong.
But it will fray over time, it will snap with too much tension, and we will be lost once more.

This portion of my soul wants to be close to you.

Close enough that we can let go of this line and yet, still be tied together.

There is a part of me that never wants to let you go.

Never wants to see you leave.

I've buried that part deep, deep, within you.

---------------

There is a part of me.

A slightly smaller portion of this soul, tied to You.

You who stood there through it all.

Who brought us together, who tore us apart, who broke my heart, and then bandaged it back up.

You who had the master plan, who knew what would happen all along.

You who brought him back, and gave him to me.

You are the one responsible.

You said, "See child, the wait was worth it."

You who told me, "Let me create this beautiful love in my time."

You who constantly reminded me, "Be patient, Beloved."

You are the one responsible.

---------------

The rest of me.

The remaining portion, the leftover pieces.

The scattered drops of my mind, the seemingly heavy heart.

The rest of me, has no idea where to go now.

2011-07-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

This is where I am today. Repeat on my iTunes, stuck in my head, dead weight in my mind.

Gravity/Dreams to Remember - John Mayer

I got dreams, dreams to remember
I got dreams, dre-e-e-ams to remember
I got dreams, oh, oh, oh, I got dreams
I got dreams, to remember, to remember
Oh Gravity, oh gravity

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (Now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Keep you all where the light is
Just keep us where the light is
Ohh.. where the light is

Midsummer Realities.

2011-07-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

It's 10pm on the Wednesday night of week 5.

My mind is jumbled and seemingly out of place right now.

I'm slowly coming to realize that camp is flying by. I have 3 1/2 more weeks until it's over. Seeing that, realizing that and coming to terms with that makes my stomach turn. I don't want it to end. I want it to last forever, but when I look at the upcoming events in my life, I feel a tug to leave and move on.

This summer has been incredible.

Hard.

Long.

Exhausting.

Hilarious.

Well-needed.

Memorable.

Tear-jerking.

Moving.

Spiritual.

Basically, everything I really needed.

However, not everything has gone the way I initially thought it would.

God has placed a lot of my heart this summer.

He has been pushing me back toward Him, and teaching me to earnestly seek after Him.

Through everything I've learned, one has stuck in my mind far, far, above all others. It is probably the strongest message I've gotten from Him, and I am struggling through it, but all the while, realizing this is what I've needed the most for a long time.

Love is patient.

These three words have been some of the only in my head for the past weeks. Reminding myself of this constantly, meditating on it, and knowing that this is what God wants me to focus on as of the moment.

Patience requires dedication, forgiveness, and space. It is the push to take a step back and let things run their course, the action of letting go of control and letting someone with a greater plan continue to do their work. It is one of the many things I struggle with constantly, but I am learning so much about being patient in love this summer.

Expectations were not fulfilled. Things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, or so I thought. Upon the ideal that I had once again fooled myself the same way I had so many times before, God stepped in, knocked me down, stared me straight in the eyes and said "Leah, my beloved, be patient." It was a bit surreal. It was almost audible, but it was in such an unreal manner that I know it was from my heavenly father.

I want things to happen, I want the dreams to unfold, but the ever-present fact is that my wants do not matter. When I truly submit my life to my heavenly father, they will come. In time. When I am patient, when I let go, when I let You take these dreams and desires and watch You draw them in Your beautiful design in Your time.

Love is patient, and I trust, I legitimately trust with my whole being that it will be worth it.

The frustration I find in waiting, and constantly waiting, and thinking something might actually happen, and realizing that I just need to wait some more - that frustration and the tears will serve as a reminder that I need to stay patient. That is my prayer for this summer. Patience in the face of frustration and lost dreams and broken hearts and head-shaking "I-told-you-so" moments. In those moments, I pray that God gives me patience. And that through this patience, I learn about the dedication and humbleness that comes with it.

Love is patient.

And so, I will be as well.

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

I suck at updating this.

2011-07-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

My bad. Seriously, I have the time, but most of it the past 3 weeks has been spent in nap form.

It's all good though.

I love living at 5,000ft, the people here, my job, and the laughs I've had so far.

God is good.

Enough said.

"Calvin Crest chicken, this is Cathey."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

"Let me Take You There" - Plain White Ts

2011-06-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

I know a place that we can go to
A place where no one knows you
They won't know who we are

I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there

I know a place that we've forgotten
A place where we won't get caught in
They won't know who we are
(They won't know, won't know)

I know a place where we can hide out
And turn our hearts inside out
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there, take you there

I know a place we'll be together
And stay this young forever
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there, take you there

We can get away to a better place
If you let me take you there
We can go there now 'cause every second counts
Girl just let me take you there, take you there

2011-06-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

I've waited a whole year for this.

To see the mountaintop.

To be with the people who really get me.

To see the sunrise from my window.

To read about creation in a place that really reflects it.

This I have waited so long for.

Arrival at 5,000 ft has been amazing. I love this place so much, and being back up here feels so right. Nothing has felt this right in a long time, and I am so excited for this feeling inside. There's just something about being a place that you know, and better yet knows you. Knows where you've been and knows the greatest adventures in your life. This is that place for me.

And being around people that know me in a different way that my other friends know me. These people make me laugh so much. They make me smile, they make me think about how thankful I am that they are in my life.

Even through things that I cringe to remember, God has been good about healing the broken friendships I thought I once lost. Yes, you know who you are. Yes, I know that it was not a shining moment in either of our lives, but the fact that we have managed to successfully heal the cut that cut deep into our friendship and almost severed us apart, to see that we both made an effort to get back to where we were, I cannot thank you and thank God enough. We made it. We made it through everything, and we're here. All we have is time. And that's all we need right now.

This summer has a lot in store for me, for us, and for the rest of summer staff along with campers, counselors and guest groups that will make the trek up this mountain. I'm learning that I am chosen, I have been adopted into the perfect family, and I have been given a gift beyond my wildest dreams. This is a summer that I have needed. And I can't wait to see where God will take me through the next 9 weeks.

This is good.

"Basically, everyone in the kitchen is really good looking. Good job guys."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Westmont: Year 1 Playlist.

2011-06-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that the best way to capture memories, and hold tight to them in your mind is to tie them with songs that you know you'll remember. It's true, songs tend to bring a flood of people, places, events, and memories to mind every time they come up in iTunes or on the radio.

What better way the, to create an "audio yearbook" of sorts to capture the great memories of college? Make a playlist for each year of school, and write down what memories that certain song holds. Then when you want to reminisce of that year, simply listen to the playlist, and watch the memories come flooding back. This being said, here is my Westmont: Year One playlist.

1. "Hey Soul Sister" - Train

This song was stuck in my head the entire year. Not to mention it was the first song I played at our all-freshman open mic, and stepping up to that mic and listening to everyone sing along as I played it really hit me. It was a great example of the community of Westmont I was about to experience, not to mention it really introduced me to a lot of first-years, who recognized me from open mic.

2. "Windows are Rolled Down" - Amos Lee

I fell in love with Amos Lee's music this year. Getting this song as a free download from my local Starbucks, not to mention listening to Dana sing it while she was on duty in the VIP lounge in the lovely land of Clark really puts me in a chill-mood.

3. "Something in the Water" - Brooke Fraser

Okay. Seriously, who wasn't singing this at least once during this last year. My favorite memory of this song had to be at the late-night breakfast feast during finals week in the spring. Listening to Bachelor 'til the Rapture sing this and watching everyone dance and sing along was one of the best ways to end out the year, and get me pumped to take on double finals the next morning.

4. "Awake My Soul" - Mumford & Sons

Two words: Aaron Tardie. Every morning, he would play this on the balcony of J-Loft, and belt it out so loud I could hear it from my windows. I credit him for why I now listen to Mumford.

5. "You Belong With Me" - Taylor Swift

Clark Unplugged in the spring was litered with great talent and a lot of music, but nothing will beat the impromptu dance party and jam session with the great Joseph Bagdanov who played this for me and my K girls, while much dancing and loud singing ensued.

6. "We R Who We R" - Ke$ha

The ultimate dance song for the year. Best memory of it? Dancing and singing it with the girls at the Halloween Dance. Hot and dangerous...

7. "Audience" - Cold War Kids

This song was played a lot during the last couple months, but I remember it most blasting in the radio of Kelli's car as we drove back from Carp after a study sesh at Coffee Bean. With a full car, and two people in the trunk, not to mention a glorious sunset and the ocean as a perfect view, it was a great way to end out the year with the girls I love.

8. "Wagon Wheel" - Mumford & Sons (Old Crow Medicine Show Cover)

Possibly the song of the year. My favorite cover of any song, ever, and reminds me a lot of driving around Pasadena with Adventure Fannie, Bry Bry Beau and Holden, seeing the sights and sounds of LA (and the surrounding area) lots of Chipotle, and a simply splendid Easter Break.

9. "Folding Chair" - Regina Spektor

Early morning and late afternoons at work. This is where I fell in love with Regina Spektor, alongside plenty of prospective student cards, a bag of honey nut cherrios, and the Datatel program.

10. "The Cave" - Mumford & Sons

Driving down to the Santa Barbara bowl the day of Spring Sing. Joanna, Annie, Harvey, and me in Jo's car. Blasting this song out into a misty and overcast afternoon. Singing with our already sore voices, laughing so hard, wearing our ridiculous costumes, and getting pumped for the show that night. Spring Sing 2011 in a nutshell.

11. "Back to December" - Taylor Swift

Winter Formal Masquerade. Spring Formal at the Fes Parker. Enough said.

12. "Beautiful" - Phil Wickham

My favorite worship song from this year. God, you are so, so, beautiful. I'll never forget singing this song with a ton of college students as Phil played it live. Worship sessions blew my mind this year, and I can't wait I get to experience them in SB again.

13. "Purple" - The Way Much

The concluding song of the year. Watching this be performed live at Phoenix Night 2011, and listening to the words of leaving something and moving forward. Feeling unsteady about leaving my life as a freshman, but excited for what the summer will hold. Forgetting about certain people who didn't work out, and turning my focus to those who really care. This song is all about moving forward, and doing it with confidence.

14. "Pro Nails (Rusko Remix)" - Kid Sister

I couldn't resist putting this song on, just because of the best dance of the year. Robot Food (Roabot Feud) anyone? Let the dubstep commence.

This playlist is a huge mass of my first year of college. I can't wait to listen to it years from now and remember everything about this fantastic year of school.

"Look at me now...I'm getting paperrr"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Don't You Remember - Adele

2011-05-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

Oh goodness.

I've found my new favorite song.

Sometimes letting things unravel on their own is the best way to get back to where I'd like to be. I had the opportunity to take the cards into my own hands, but I'm giving them back. I'm not in control of this.

Call me a coward, but maybe this takes more courage than I originally thought.

"Please remember me once more."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Hope.

2011-05-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

Hope is seeing you struggle to say what you need to say

and knowing I'm in the same spot as you.

Hope is hearing you laugh

and watching you make me smile.

Hope is seeing you remember

even when I forgot.

I haven't lost hope.

Not yet.

Fear.

2011-05-09T00:38:00.000-07:00

It's a peculiar feeling, really.

Late nights (or super early mornings - take your pick).

My mind is still.

Except for one thing.

The only thing.

That little nudge in the back of my head.

It's been sitting.

Absorbing.

Invading.

Exponentially growing.

And waiting.

Waiting for the right time to break me.

Every night.

Every single night, the last thing I remember, I playback, I recall, I wish for.

It grows.

Now, more than ever.

With the end (or beginning) coming quickly, and only a few weeks left for decisions to be made, or hopes to be dashed, and I just can't pull myself to say the words that need to be said.

I am a coward.

I am afraid of hurt, afraid of failed expectations, and most of all, afraid of telling myself "I told you so." once again. I want you to take the first move, to delegate the pieces to where they need to be, but you haven't. And I want to tell myself it is because of lack of courage on your part, seeing as past events support that claim. I just wish you would take the first step.

And if you don't?

I may never have the courage to do that which you cannot.

Fear is such a peculiar feeling.

Tonight, I'm not ending with a quote. My mind is filled with too much to think of one to fit this feeling I find myself in. Rest is near.

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

The End (for now).

2011-05-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

My room is empty.

My bags are packed.

The walls are white and clean.

Sheets have been pulled off mattresses, clothes removed from drawers and desks deep cleaned.

The sound of car horns and luggage rolling down the hill are present.

The semester is over.

I'm sitting here, deep into my last night at Westmont as a first-year, my last night in Clark K, and my last few hours of the school year. And I'm in disbelief.

Time flew. It's been quite the whirlwind of a year, filled with just about everything that your first year in college can hold. I've made the most amazing friends I could ever have asked for, did ridiculous things, laughed till I couldn't feel my stomach, cried till my eyes were soaked, and grew. I grew so, so much this year.

I'm such a different person now than I was a year ago. Regardless if that's reflected on the outside, I've shifted and molded so much on the inside. And I love it. I love the independence, the faith I've rediscovered, and the joy I find in life. Westmont is an amazing place, and it's a bit ironic that just as I leave for summer, I find myself truly being able to call this place home. It took this long, but it was worth it.

Maybe leaving that place and finding that you have these raw emotions, deep swellings of sadness and memories that bubble to the surface...questions about keeping in contact in the summer and plans for the fall, worries about what will last and what will not - all of that really makes you realize that whatever place you are leaving has left quite the imprint on your heart. Westmont has ironed it's patch of "home-away-from-home" into me, just as I begin to leave. And the emotions are here. I've never felt such a paradox of emotions before, but they are all rocking to the waves of my heart...never seeming to be at rest.

To be completely honest, I'm very scared for the next few months. Change has never been the best aspect of my life, but coming to college and meeting/forming friendships with the people here has been one of the greater changes in my life. Now leaving that, and applying what I have learned to where I came from will bring new changes into my life once again.

Change is a strange thing...but I hold fast to the idea that growing so much this year has done more for me than simply mature me. I am able to do this. I am able to handle life away from Westmont-land and the lovely people here. I will learn to adapt (such a valuable skill nowadays) and move forward in the life God has called me to.

Faith has been the strongest theme in my life this semester. God and I have grown together, and He has revealed marvelous things to me during my time as a first year. What then, do I have to fear? None. None at all. The change that comes in yet another spectacular and mind-blowing discovery from my heavenly father. Together, we will face the next changes in my life, and then return back to this "home" in the fall, with the people I love, the faith I can't live without, and new opportunities to continue this growth.

So, this is the end.

Well...at least for now.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Jealousy.

2011-04-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

Jealousy

is a color changing

monster-like persona

with a side effect of sadness.

Filled with constant "where-did-I-go-wrong"s

and "I-wish-I-was-you" thought bubbles.

Overflowing with a flood of uncertainty

And a pinch of anger.

Boiling in a deep pot

sitting on a propane flame of want

Want for you.

Our talks.

Our laughs,

and garlic covered pepperonis.

Jealousy

doesn't make me feel right inside.

black coffee and late nights.

2011-04-28T23:07:00.000-07:00

I know I just posted saying I wouldn't be updating much since finals week is quickly approaching, but I'm done studying for the day, and I have a lot on my mind. Therefore, I write. Plus, I have a fresh brewed up of black coffee fueling my mind.

I am just human.

I cannot move this world by my own hands, or play the cards in my favor. That is clearly not up to me to decide. I have no power over the ultimate movings in my life, I have no gain nor loss when something disrupts my daily life.

I am just a human.

Lately, I've been reminded of that so much. Things have not been falling in my hands like I wish they would. I don't like it one bit, but I accept it. I can deal with housing mix-ups, friendships endings, and the constant wish for a less full-plate. There is a lot I can handle. And there is a lot I cannot. I say that meaning I, myself as a human cannot. For I know my God is one who will stand by me whenever I go through anything, but I am having trouble at the moment.

I'm in the process of writing a letter.

It's a letter that contains thoughts, feelings, ideas, wishes, and everything I've ever wanted to say. It's one that has been a long time coming, one which should have been sent (or better yet, simply said) much earlier, but timing is very important to me and I know it just hasn't been the right time. Until now.

It was two nights ago I started this story, and I'm exactly sure how I will finish it.

I pulled the fresh white sheet of paper out and onto my desk. I picked up my favorite pen, took a deep breath and began writing. The common greetings, the "how are you?" spilled out, and then I began to dig deeper. Into circumstances and events I wish I could have forgotten. Into a deep, dark place of my life I don't want to visit ever again. Into you, and into me, and into everything we had, still have, and maybe still might have in the future. Into the core. And that's where I lost it.

My heart twists and turns. It's uncomfortable in my chest. I can't write without shaky hands. I can't pen a word until I think about it over and over again in my head. I have trouble keeping my breathing straight and my head from dropping down and re-reading words I know I've already written. I am keeping the tears inside for fear of staining the paper and bleeding words that have already bled dry. I can't control these emotions.

I stand up, pace a bit and sit back down. I read the words over again and imagine you reading them for the first time. I know how I want you to feel, but I'm scared. I want to be the fly on the wall that observes your reactions as you unfold the corners of the pages and read the words I've never had the guts to say to your face. I want to read your face, see your smile when I write about the good times, and the pain when I write about the bad. I want to be there when you finish and see where you go from there.

But I can't.

And I know I shouldn't.

Which is why I chose a letter as the best medium to communicate these words.

I will finish this letter.

I will send it.

And then I will wait.

It will be up to you to finish this process, and hopefully we'll both come to see what exactly we are searching for. This letter will either close the final chapter for us, or open a fresh page for something new. I don't think things will ever stay the way they are right now. And perhaps for once, change is exactly what we both need.

"If I could write you a letter, and say the words I've been meaning to say, would it make you feel better if you read it? Would it possibly be okay?"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

FINALS.

2011-04-28T14:37:00.001-07:00

They will be the death of me.

Don't be expecting any fantastic blog posts anytime soon.

I am not becoming that entirely stressed, kind of out of control, sleep deprived college I told myself I would never become.

I don't want things to take a turn for the worse.

But lately, things aren't going my way.

Trust.

Now more than ever.

"There's nothing left to say, total eclipse of the heart."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2011-04-26T23:12:00.000-07:00

forgetting everything

letting go of the past

closing the book's stiff covers

and moving on

however,

what is true of one

may not reflect the other

closure is not always

a two-way street

especially when memories are too real

to be forgotten.

my ideal sandwich (or late lunch meal)

2011-04-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

toasted sourdough bread slice (w/ mustard)

turkey

ham

lettuce

2 tomato slices

a couple onions

two slices of swiss cheese

spinach leaves

toasted sourdough bread slice (w/ mayo)

served fresh with 5 slices of cucumber on the side, paired with a glass of lemonade.

Nothing beats a lunch like that. Let's toss into the mix the fact that work ended early and I have really nothing else planned for the rest of the day (minus preparation for finals studying, which begins tomorrow) and I'm a happy camper.

Being back at school is awfully weird this time around. Maybe it's because the only thing running through my head is the fact that in a week, I will be at the end of freshman year. My first year of college will be finished. I can't wrap my head around that, but it's all I've been thinking about. The end is coming...

Maybe I'm over exaggerating, but it's a big deal.

Or, at least it feels like that.

Growing up is such a weird feeling. I want to be a kid, but I'm becoming an adult. I mean, on the inside, my 18th birthday last year was kind of the "you're-legally-an-adult-now" moment. Finishing my first year of college is another one of those moments. I feel like there's going to be a lot more to come.

Bah, life is going by too quickly, but I'd rather have these next study-filled and stressed-out days over with as soon as possible. Summer is rapidly approaching, and with all the excitement about many more memories to come, I feel somewhat nervous. I have yet to decipher just where this nervousness is rooted, but I know it's something I can overcome.

I can do this.

"Set me free, leave me be, I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2011-04-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

If I cross your mind

When you come into mine

I wonder if you are sick of me yet.

Thoughts never stop

Following endlessly

without ceasing.

Days wind down

but nights never end

The body shuts off

as the mind speeds up.

A plague of what-ifs

and rivers of worries

You will be the death of me.

BUNNY CAKE.

2011-04-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

There is no better feeling than kicking back on a comfy bed, in my favorite pair of jeans, t-shirt and hair up, no worries, sunday night sort of feeling.

Easter has been marvelous.

Church this morning, NCIS all afternoon, plenty of naps and a fantastic dinner to match.

Lots of laughter and memories shared.

This month has been so important for me. I've come to terms with a lot of things, and have been preparing myself mentality for the coming months ahead. Regardless, the nights have been short, both in response to late nights with friends and a sudden inability to fall asleep when I want to. My mind has been plagued with a lot of...thoughts.

I don't like to want things.

I don't like having that feeling that what I have now, isn't good enough.

It is, right?

I mean...I'm perfectly fine without a lot of things, so why need more?

Struggling with that is hard. Discernment is what I need now more than ever. Praying without ceasing in order to know whether this is the path that God is leading me down. I fall upon Him for so much, but I know taking the first step sometimes falls into my own hands. But taking that step is so hard to do. I worry far, far too much.

Life goes on, and so do I.

This will all be figured out in the end.

"One minute, I held the key. Next the walls were closed on me."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2011-04-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

You were something to remember.

The stars shine

I see the moon

and I remember everything.

You were the first

and the last.

You brought me up the highest point

and then pulled me

Farther than I have ever fell before.

I don't care about that anymore.

Coming full circle

And erasing it from our minds.

Starting fresh

new

clean

undamaged

recovered.

Building yourself into a part of me.

and letting a part of me settle into you.

Easter!

2011-04-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

Easter break has officially begun. How do I celebrate such a fantastic event?

Packing up a bag of necessities and hightailing it to the Dirty 'Dena with the lovely Annie and our spectacular friend Bry bry. But for now, I go back to the days of music swirling from my laptop speakers and an empty text box on my computer screen waiting to be filled with the thoughts overflowing from my mind as of the moment.

This is what I love.

I love writing, I love blogging, it's something that's always held a part of me.

I can leave for 4 months, and when I come back it, it's still the same. The feelings, the emotions, the sudden "pull" in my mind to write about something, it's all still here. It's like coming home after a full semester to curl back in my old bed and feel my cat jump up and snuggle into the end of my blankets, wake up to my normal alarm clock and walk barefoot around without feeling gross. It's like coming home.

Don't get me wrong. When I deactivated my life on blogger, I managed to get back into the swing of actually writing in a journal. Like one I can pick up and carry and flip back to and read, filled with pictures and quotes, song titles and tidbits of my life. Ticket stubs, photographs, business cards, stickers, it's quite an interesting story so far. And it's going to continue for a while, but it feels good to be back on the net. There will be things I obviously will never write about on this blog, but I can write about anything I want in that journal. It's carried a lot of my life so far this semester.

Speaking of which, freshman year is drawing to a close.

Wait, wait?

It's true. I only have 3 more days of classes (two of which only consist of a 50 minute PE class) and then finals week. 3 finals, then home. HOME FOR THE SUMMER. As in, a whole month to relax, then Calvin Crest, then home for a bit, then back to SB for another semester.

I've done a lot of growing this semester.

In faith. In learning. In friendships, relationships, and basically every part of my life.

I've found an amazing friend group, told stories, cried my eyes out, studied till the wee hours of the morning and had fantastic adventures. Freshman year has been greater than anything I could have ever imagined. It hasn't all been great, but everything that may have hurt me has humbled me back to the foot of the cross where I have learned so much.

God has been great to me this year, and I'm so excited for where he takes me in the future.

But for now, he's taking me to Pasadena with a great group of people.

Let Easter break begin, now.

"Imagine me. Weighing 600 pounds."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Wednesday.

2011-04-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

I've been having a big love/hate relationship with Wednesdays this semester.

Besides being the longest day of the week (Class from 8-5? Want a side order of tiredness with that lame schedule?) it makes me feel like the week is passing by way to slowly. Fortunately, today I find myself in the middle of a short week thanks to Easter Break, but at the same time mornings where I know all I have to look forward to for the rest of the day is the fact I'm in class till 5 isn't the most encouraging thought.

My mind is elsewhere today.

I am lost in a flood of memories dating back to high school, thoughts where I can't fall asleep because my mind is stuck on the multi-lane freeway again.

I need rest. Like, a mental rest.

Too bad the upcoming finals and end of the semester festivities are making that basically impossible.

And so, Old Testament begins, and thus my mind is forced to be in this last lecture as of the moment.

"SURPRISE PARTY!!!"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Back.

2011-04-19T23:05:00.001-07:00

I'm back.

Yes, it's true.

I just couldn't stay away from this lovely blog for so long, and even though the lovely world of tumblr has been amazing thus far, I can't stay away from this blog for too long.

It contains so much of my life from sophomore year on, so much of the first semester of college, and now I'm ready to bring it back to life. Be ready for a slew of new information, great photos, inspiring thoughts, my latest struggles and everything I decide to put onto the world wide web.

I love writing.

So, so much.

"Rock me mama like a southbound train..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Moving on out.

2011-01-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

Goodbye blogger - hello tumblr.

This blog has housed my thoughts from sophomore year all the way through my first semester of college. But now, I'm moving on out to bigger, better, and somewhat more efficient ways.

You can find my thoughts and ideas, photos and videos, rants and excited type-gibberish over at leahsadoian.tumblr.com

I hope you make the move with me.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

For the last time,

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

1am

2010-12-25T00:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's 1am.

But it's 1am on Christmas morning :)

Another year has come and gone. It's the holiday season once again, and I can't believe it's already here. Our family just wrapped up our Christmas Eve festivities, which included the service at the church, my brother cooking steaks for our dinner and opening presents with the family.

Family which is finally all together again, in the place where we've all grown up.

Something about that feels oddly important this year.

Perhaps part of it has to do with the fact that I've found a new family of sorts at Westmont, or just the idea that I haven't been around my mom, dad, or brother in the past 4ish months. But the point is that we're all together again, spending the holidays the way I remember them, joking around at dinner and ripping open a couple presents in a fury of joy and happiness. It really made me smile.

Tomorrow brings Christmas day. I get up mid-morning, greet my family, grab a cup of coffee (or whip up a cup of tea with my new electric tea kettle! Thanks mom!) and settle in for a bit of chill time before we embark to the "Musson Family Christmas" where we'll share this special day with another family that is close to ours.

Family is such as big factor in the holidays, and I'm thankful now more than ever that I have such a great one.

Merry Christmas everyone :)

"His power, and glory ever more proclaim."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Life Lessons from Semester #1

2010-12-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

I'm growing up.

I'm growing up, whether I like it or not.

And I'm not sure if I like it or not.

2010 is ending quickly. I just finished my first semester of college. I'm making my own decisions, doing things on my own, and living outside of the control of my parents. Everything is so different, everything is unlike anything I've done before. I never thought I'd be here. College was something so far off in the distance that I basically thought it would never creep up and find me. Needless to say, it did find me, capture me, and swung me around on quite an entertaining semester before returning me safely to where I began, and where I find myself tonight.

Looking back on the past 4 1/2 months, it's easy to say I've learned a lot. It was a big semester of taking baby steps to becoming a college student. It took a lot of trial and error to find things that work. Here are some of the most important lessons I've learned.

- Sleep is important. Just because I'm waking up at 8am instead of 6 does not mean I can go to bed at 2am instead of 11pm.

- Textbooks are figgin' expensive, so don't treat them like trash. It'll pay off in the end. (No pun intended)

- The Dining Commons thumb scanner will never intimidate me ever again.

- Dorm life means there's always something going on, all the time. Don't let it distract you.

- Getting off campus every once in a while is SO important.

- Now is great a time as any to start learning money management.

- College classes are hard. College homework is hard. College papers are hard. Adapt your study habits.

- The freshmen 15 doesn't exist when you're a Westmont Student. Conquer the hills my warriors, conquer the hills.

- Sometimes, you just need a girl to talk to.

- Sometimes, you just need a boy to talk to.

- Sometimes, you don't need to talk about something at all.

- Homesickness is the worst feeling you will ever experience, but you can overcome it.

- Honor the Sabbath. Not just because it's in the 10 Commandments, but because there will come a time when your body will command it as well.

- Take your room key with you everywhere, especially the shower.

- Clark Gotcha was a great lesson in learning how to deal with paranoia

- Be confident. In everything.

- Smile often. People will appreciate it.

- Friendships need time to take root and grow. Don't rush.

- The don't rush applies to relationships with the opposite sex as well. Dating isn't necessary. Neither is obsession.

- God meets you at a time like this. Don't be scared to go out and meet with Him as well.

- Remember everything, because you won't want to forget it.

So how will this shape my next semester and the ones to come? These are lessons I'm going to keep with me for a long time. My time at Westmont is just beginning. Next year will bring a fresh new semester to embark upon, as well as the conclusion of my freshmen year. Then, summer and hopefully another 2 1/2 months at Calvin Crest. After my time on the mountain ends, I'll prepare to begin my sophomore year, with these lessons close at hand.

Something tells me I'll be alright.

Growing up will happen, and I think these lessons are starting to pave the way.

"I can't live without You, You are Heaven, I am Earth."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Home for the Holidays :)

2010-12-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE IS FINISHED.

Let's just let that soak in for a bit.

Considering I'm pretty sure I passed all of my classes (I was worried about a couple) and my worst wisdom tooth extraction is done (swollen face and 3,200mg of Ibuprofen a day) and I'm feelin' pretty good right about now.

We just finished putting up our Christmas tree, I've got my holiday pandora station on, and I've got plans to bake some Christmas cookies later. Needless to say, I think I've found my holiday spirit. Jared's coming home on Tuesday, and Christmas will be here before we know it.

It's hard to believe the year is coming to an end. It's also weird to finally be back home after 4ish months at Westmont. It's nice to have home-cooked meals (which I can't fully eat yet) and a solo room to sleep in. I can stay up as late as I want, sleep in as long as I want, and eat food whenever I want. Call that nothing, but it sure is nice compared to life at Westmont.

I'm excited for a long period of relaxation this break, while I start recording the tracks for the spring EP with my new microphone! My snowball usb mic is beautiful, and the tracks I've done so far are spectacular compared to what I was using before. I can't wait to get the tracks done and send them off to my brother with care for CD production. So exciting!

So, until the swelling in my mouth goes down, I'm planning on just hanging around home, doing basically nothing. Sounds great right? Hopefully I will be back up to full health by early next week so I can start goin' around town and seeing all the great spots Dinuba has to offer. And by that, I mean go to Wal-Mart and see what ridiculous cheap stuff I can find.

Beautiful.

It's raining outside, so I'm off to make a cup of coffee and bake some cookies. Sounds like a great pre-Christmas Saturday if any :)

"Baby, it's cold outside..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

FINALS WEEK.

2010-12-12T21:42:00.000-08:00

It's here. Cue the cramming of last minute lectures, re-reading of chapters upon chapters and all that glorious stress. Surprisingly, it hasn't hit me yet. Maybe it's the non-procrastination attitude I held during high school coming back to visit me again, but I'm feeling ready for these last 3 exams.

This weekend has been a whirlwind. It's also been a really emotional week, not just for myself, but for a lot of the girls I live with and other close friends. Between the ups and downs, somewhere between the tears and the laughter, I've learned a lot in the past couple days. I learned you don't always get what you want, and sometimes you just have to go with the swing of things. They usually work themselves out in the end.

I learned making a big deal out of something that really isn't, never helps. Actually, I should have learned that a long time ago, but it usually always comes back to remind me. Sometimes I really need that reminder too.

But I think most importantly this weekend, I learned something new about decisions. I'm not a big fan of them (I didn't learn that, I already know that for sure.) and I don't always like making them. The past couple days I learned some of them you have to make, whether you like it or not, and some of them you don't. Some you can just let unfold themselves in front of you, let them grow as they may, and let their roots spread where they are planted. As much as I wish I could use that for all of them, I know I can't.

So, I wil let those that I can grow in my life. I can't check a "Yes" or "No" at this moment, because frankly, I have no clue which one to check. Maybe within time, as the plant blossoms, the roots spread and the flower grows, I'll be able to see a little bit clearer which one really rings true for me. It's going to take a while, but patience will come in handy now more than ever.

Regardless of all this dangerous thinking I've been doing lately, I've been keeping busy getting things ready for the wonderful 3 weeks of relaxation I will have after finals are finished. The fact that the semester will be OVER, means I will have absolutely no homework to do. No schoolwork whatsoever. This, then means, I'll have my new mic ready to go, and 12 tracks to record in preparation for the spring EP that is being released! So exciting :)

So for now, I finish prep for finals, and watch my little flower take root and grow.

"I found myself today, standing in a spot I thought I'd never be."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-12-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

The last time I felt like this, it was a good 5 months ago.

It was the best summer of my life.

It was unexpected, quite the surprise.

It was this amazing adventure, dreaming through reality, everything I wanted.

The last time I felt like this, I thought I had it all under control.

And then, it collapsed.

Once again, in my state of raw emotional whatever you want to call it, I tend to be over exaggerating once again. The fact that I really should be doing homework right now and studying for finals only adds to this whole state I'm in.

Life goes on.

Give thanks in all circumstances.

Times like these are the moments where I just want to curl up in my bed and fall asleep. Not do anything productive, study, play guitar, even hang out with friends, just fall asleep.

And rest this emotional state away.

Unfortunately, I'm unable to do that. Number 1 reason - finals are next week. Seems like finals are messing a lot of stuff up, literally.

So I am off to waste this emotional hurricane away through World History and Christian Doctrine. With Feist on the iTunes, and a sense of recovery in mind, I embark on the rest of the evening.

Let's hope it works out as planned.

"I'm sorry."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-12-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

I forget how much I love sitting at my computer, and suddenly get this feeling that I need to turn pandora on and blog for a bit. I used to do this a lot during senior year, and now I guess I'm having flashbacks.

It's Sunday, the last day of the weekend, and we are about to embark on the last week of classes. Hard to believe this semester is quickly winding down, and even more scary to think finals are right around the corner. To be honest, I'm really looking forward to being finished, but I'm already preparing myself for what seems to be a very busy and stressful next semester.

This week all the homework I really have to do is start studying for finals. Believe it or not, I've actually written out a whole schedule to follow as I strive towards what looks like 48 hours of death.

Three finals, two days. Eeek.

Anyway, I am killing time because I have really nothing to do today before our last performance of the Christmas Festival. As much as I love choir and performing, I'm ready to get this over with. It's nice and a great experience, but I'm just ready for it to be finished so I can finish this week, get my studying done, kick butt on finals and go home. Luckily when I get home, I have wisdom teeth removal to look forward too. Yipee.

There's been a lot on my mind in the past couple days. Making decisions scare me, but I know it will always turn out to be for the better. Sometimes I just wish people would tell me what to do, but I know that would annoy me beyond reason. It's sort of a never-ending cycle of "I-don't-want-to-do-this" and "You-need-to-do-this-if-you-want-it-to-happen." I get so twisted inside, but I really never show it.

Maybe I just need some time alone.

Or not.

I don't really know.

"Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

December.

2010-12-01T22:26:00.001-08:00

Wow.

It's hard to believe that this month is already here. As I end my first day of the last month of 2010, I find myself laying on my bunk, blogging, with John Mayer on my pandora station. Just like the good days.

Today, I ran across a document that had been laying around in my file folder collecting dust. It was called "Top 10 for 2010." It was the goals list I wrote January 1st, outlining goals for myself to accomplish this first year of a new decade. It contained some new I knew I would do, like discovering new places and meeting new friends, but also had some I didn't think I'd ever be able to do. And I have done them.

Out of the 10 goals that I wrote down that January morning so long, long, ago...I have 9 of them crossed off. Each one has a date as well as a short description of how I managed to achieve that goal. I spent a bit of time reading and reminiscing about this year.

This year has been a good year.

A tough year.

A year in which I had to grind my teeth and hold back tears to make through, but a year that has taught me a ton, regardless.

It was the end of high school, the end of a chapter, moving out to camp, finding out what works and what doesn't in relationships, the move-in of college, my first failed exam, the realization of true friends, and the finding of myself through it all somehow.

I think this year has done more for me than any other. It has really shown me what truly matters, and the fact that I have finished 90% of the goals that I wrote down so long ago really shows me just how determined and motivated I am.

Now, I didn't push any of these to happen, but I inched them ever closer my way and eventually let them happen naturally. Each one came about in their own timing, and each one really, really, meant a lot to me.

So as this year comes to a close, and we begin this last month, I have one more goal to finish before I can bid 2010 farewell. Whether it comes my way or not, I can finish this year feelin' good about times to come.

2011 brings a new set of goals, a new chapter, and plenty of adventures.

I think I'm ready.

"I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-11-26T19:31:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at my old kitchen table, with a stomach full of sweet and sour pork, college football on the television, Dad washing dishes, Mom in the family room, and I'm having flashbacks to senior year.

This is how I spent a lot of my last couple months at home (given it was college basketball, but I'm not complaining. Oregon is kicking butt regardless). Tonight, I plan on watching movies with my mom, maybe a late night Wal-Mart run for CHRISTMAS shopping and enjoying my last couple days in town.

Being home has been excellent, but I'm ready to get back to the craziness and amazing and completely unique atmosphere of Westmont. Two more weeks of classes, one week of finals and I'm done with my first semester of college. Wowza.

Not to say I'm already counting down the days till Christmas break, even though I am...I have a very jam-packed next two weeks before I can even think about finals rolling around. Christmas concerts, tree lighting, winter formal, choir concerts, dorm activities...it's going to be a very busy two weeks. I'm planning on making the most of it (as I usually do in all that I encounter) and finishing out my first semester of college with a bang.

But tonight, I relax. It's going to be a nice weekend, nice drive back to Santa Barbara, and a warm-up to get ready to head into this week with my head held high. Let's do this thing.

"I spent 6 years investing in this thing!!!"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

HOME

2010-11-24T18:27:00.000-08:00

is great.

It's freezing, but it's home.

My friends are here.

My parents are here.

My old room is here (empty for the most part, but still great)

I'm familiar with my surroundings again, I'm ready for a spectacular thanksgiving and time to relax.

It's good to be home :)

"Bry! Put the gameboy down."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Mondays

2010-11-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

are busy. But good.

Today, I realized I have one week until I am going home. HOME.

2 months ago when school started, I was unsure if Thanksgiving was ever going to come. And now, what do you know, it's already here. Damn, time travels fast. I am getting really excited to be home. To see familiar faces and have a well-needed break.

It's going to be weird, but it's going to be so nice to be back in the place I spent 18 years of my life growing up in. I will know where everything belongs in my room, where to get a bowl of cereal when I am hungry, and will get to see all of the hometown friends I have been missing so dearly. It's going to be a great week back home.

However, I have a full week planned over here in college-land, and I need to buckle down and focus on getting all of my work done before I get too excited about coming home. So, I plan on getting my work done, having some fun (Page/Clark Committee Meetings, Clark Unplugged, Ridiculous adventures, etc) before I head down the 99 back home to good 'ol Dinuba.

I'm planning on visiting the high school and catching up teachers with my adventures in college, the amazing opportunities that are happening, and all the great fun Santa Barbara holds. I think I might be the most excited to share the stories of college thus far with everyone back home. It's going to be a grand time :)

Well, I am off to Public Speaking and Christian Doctrine, then have the afternoon off before choir rehearsal and section meeting tonight. Busy, busy Mondays...

"Lead me to the cross."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Sneeze. Cough. Shiver. Sneeze.

2010-11-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

Why does it feel like I'm sick every other weekend here? So frustrating.

Skipped choir today, mainly because my voice sounds like I ripped out my vocal chords and scrubbed them down with sandpaper. Singing is useless. Plus, I have a speech tomorrow, and I'd rather be at full health for that than making a rehearsal today.

I'm ready for home. I'm ready for thanksgiving break.

It just hit me that I only have a little over a week until I am going home, for the first time since the end of August. Damn. I'm sure things have changed, and I'm not just talking about the fact Perko's burned down yesterday. Dinuba is going to feel weird, as will being away from Westmont will too.

It's preview days over here in Westmont Land, and there are hundreds of prospective students carrying little red folders and lanyards looking lost around campus. Hah, I remember when I was that student earlier this spring. Westmont seemed different back then. Well, I was also different back then.

Either way, the DC shall be packed tonight. Lame. I am off to take a nap before work, and try and soak up some energy for this upcoming night which will spent rehearsing for my speech tomorrow, and entertaining my two preview students. Yippe.

"Courage"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Vulnerability

2010-11-03T21:42:00.000-07:00

I don't like to be vulnerable in music.

I don't like to write intricately enough that a person can say see they were the inspiration for that song.

I don't want to be known as the "Taylor Swift" who considers revenge a Billboard Top 100 song that millions listen to. I don't want to be able to say in my album insert "To all the boys who inspired these songs: you should've known ;)"

But vulnerability is important in songwriting. Sometimes the wound needs to be cut a little deeper, to ooze out the infection before it can completely heal. It's healthy. It's reveals deep emotions, brings out life-changing lyrics and melodies that go deeper than anything else.

Tonight, I wrote one of those songs. I cut open a wound I had been stitching up for a while, I ripped it open and let it bleed out a song of words I've needed to write. I took a leap of faith and wove in details, images, memories that whosoever inspired this song would instantly recognize. I tied it together with a simple melody, a resounding chorus that brings forth the message I've held for so long under those stitches.

So, I guess I can say "you should have known " for this song.

I'm not planning on saying that for many more to come.

Not Anymore

You took a piece of me. Turned into everything

Left me in ruins, and I built myself back up

When you left without a good-bye. Just figured I would be better in time

Did you think I'd still be thinking of you, tonight

Cause time might heal your wounds - if you had any

And you cut me deep, oh you bled me dry

We lock eyes across the room

And I know we're finally through

You don't want to hold me, not anymore

Forget your hand in mine

The way you smile, the way you shine

On those dim-lit walks back home

We're never gonna be the way we were before

Not anymore

Just when you were close enough. When I started to believe

This could happen to me, you lost your footing

Fading fast, faster than I could catch, drift of what was happening

You said those words to me - that warm July night

Said you can't see me as more than a friend

We lock eyes across the room

And I know we're finally through

You don't want to hold me, not anymore

Forget your hand in mine

The way you smile, the way you shine

On those dim-lit walks back home

We're never gonna be the way we were before

Not anymore

I miss looking at the stars

Holding your hand

Not afraid if anyone saw

I miss our late-night talks

I miss our midnight walks

To the dark side of the moon

And when I asked what was on your mind

You looked me in the eyes and said "You."

But when we lock eyes across the room

I know we're finally through

You're not gonna hold me, not anymore

J forget your hand in mine

The way you smile, the way you shine

On those dim-lit walks back home

We're never gonna be the way we were before

Not anymore

No, no, we're done here.

We're done here

Not gonna be the way we were before

Not anymore.

The wound was cut a little deeper tonight.

I think it'll heal correctly now.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Hide yo' kids,

2010-10-31T21:42:00.000-07:00

Hide yo' wife and hide yo' husbands cause they rapin' errybody out here.

Happy Halloween :)

"I whip my hair back and forth."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-10-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

Today, I drank my first mug of black coffee.
I feel like an adult. Or at least, a sophisticated one.

And you know what? I loved it :)

I've spent probably 90% of this weekend doing homework. 6 hours yesterday down at the Coast Village Starbucks, another 3 on state, so I've rewarded myself with a chocolate-banana blenders. Well-deserved, but it also caused me to miss the 2:30 shuttle, which is why I'm sitting in Borders at this very moment.

We have a 3 story Borders here...and I've just stumbled up on it. I can def. see myself coming back here to do homework in the soon future. I feel like I'm a lot more productive if I manage to get out of my room and into a new environment.

This upcoming week, even though midterms are finished (BLESSED) I still have a jam-packed Monday to get through. Let's break it down, 3 full classes, chapel, a speech to deliver, work till 5:30, Capax Dei and then finalizing a group presentation for doctrine.

Damn, tomorrow is gonna be tough.

The rest of today is going to be spend doing a bit of laundry, rehearsing my Informative Speech and reading 4 more chapters in one of my 7 Christian Doctrine books. My earlier hours at Starbucks knocked out the rest of my Newbigin chapters and my history reading for today. I feel like I'm being super productive but at the same time, I still feel like there is so much work I have left to finish.

Is this what a college workload always feels like? Eek.

Just like high school, I'm not the one to procrastinate. I don't really think it's really in my blood, in striking difference to the rest of my friends in college.

Wonderful.

"You are my heaven on earth, you are my hunger, my thirst..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-10-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure I can call myself a real college student yet, since I really haven't procrastinated on anything or had to resort to an all-nighter to study or finish work.

Responsibility? Sure, I'll take a double-dose of that.

Not the most out-of-the-world observation, since I wasn't that big of a procrastinator in high school. I'm getting work done, trying not to feel stressed and enjoying life as it passes by.

Sure, things get tough. Actually, yesterday was a pretty overall crappy day until I got down to homework and managed to get a huge chunk of my studying for World History done, and some reading started for Christian Doctrine.

But enough of this school talk. Let's get down to business.

How is your heart?

I remember asking myself this question numerous times this past summer, past year, all through high school. Check-ups were necessary with everything that was growing, building, happening, crashing down and rebuilding again. It was like a continuous cycle.

Now at college, it's been a long time since I've had a heart check. And I really shouldn't have waited. Things are happening, some have crashed down, some are exceedingly irritating, and some just plain make me smile. My heart is jumbled.

As hard as it is to focus with a jumbled heart, I'm not letting anything take away what my heart should be focused on. God is doing spectacular things in my life, and reminding me everyday that only He has the box of bandages that can truly heal my heart from hurt in the past, hurt now and hurt in the future. I just have to turn to him, pass my heart over, and He will overflow it with peace.

He's the only one knows me best to know how to bring me back.

"You make, all things, work together for Your good."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

"Let the rain fall down, I'm coming clean..."

2010-10-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

Hillary Duff couldn't have said it any better.

It's thunderstormin' here in Santa Barbara land. Talk about major thunder claps and lighting strikes, and the fact that we're on a mountain doesn't really help that at all.

So whats a bunch of college kids to do? Stay inside, where it's warm and continue studying?

After a pathetic attempt, at that...

DANCE PARTY.

J-crew brought out a huge amp, set it up in the H-lounge and blasted some party music. The crowd came. The rain fell. It was AMAZING. Right outside my window, so I took a quick study break and had a blast in the first rain dance of the year.

It was a really great way to just...let go. I'm stressed, I'm not going to lie, but it was 20 minutes of pure relaxation. Laughter. Wetness (gross...) and hilarity. I'm looking forward to the next one, but I'm pretty sure nothing is going to top this one.

It poured again this morning, but thankfully after I got in from my run. Actually, almost immediately after I came in it started raining. Close call. Thank God, you rock.

Today will be a good day. Complete with more studying for my midterm exam on in World History on Thurdsay and revising my public speaking paper which is due tomorrow.

Eeek.

"Fais de beau rêves"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Four Day

2010-10-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

Spectacular.

Amazing.

Surprising.

A well-needed break from everything.

Toss in finishing a new music video, watching a Very Potter Musical, bonding with the other K ninjas hanging around Westmont, Yogurtland with Driver (and finding out about his previous acting career - what?) and Giovanni's with the girls and you've got a perfect long weekend so far.

Things are going really good.

I'm loving this dead and quiet campus, no lines in the DC and non-packed shuttle rides a lot. Besides being swamped with a ton of homework (and a midterm on Friday!) I'm feeling less stressed and little more relaxed.

I'm going to bed soon, I'm planning on getting up early tomorrow and going for a run and starting my day off right. Then, punching out this homework head on so I can have a relaxing afternoon and evening. Oceans Twelve? Sounds great. Sounds perfect :)

"You can count on me, like 1, 2, 3 - I'll be there. And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4, 3, 2 - you'll be there. 'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

1am

2010-10-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

and I can't sleep.

I have too much on my mind to even try and sleep right now.

I haven't been this stressed out since the end of senior year.

Four-Day is right around the corner, and I'm looking forward to resting up, getting re-organized and ready for week #7. This week is taking forever to pass, and frankly...it's been pretty hard to get through.

I hate when you pile everything up only to find it crashes down on you when it's the worst time. Welcome to my Wednesday night. In the midst of my studying for my public speaking midterm, I am engrossed by this weird, unstable emotional side that just really needs some time to recover.

I am ok. Things are going good here, I'm just starting to see how different college is from high school. Classes are harder. Professors expect you to know things. People won't always remind you to write a paper or turn in an assignment. No one is here to hold your hand anymore.

I had a great talk tonight. Feelings were shared. Tears were shed. Stories were told and fears were revealed. Altogether, it broke down this unstable emotional structure so it can be rebuilt, stronger and ready for its next challenge.

Frankly, I'm ready for a break. Four-Day couldn't come soon enough. I'm planning on playing a lot of guitar, eating my body-weight in frozen yogurt and doing a bit of homework.

This too, shall pass.

"Your tears glorify God."

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Yahoo Widgets

2010-10-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

are amazing.

These little beauties are by far the perfect addition to my laptop desktop.

I stumbled across these interesting tiny apps when searching for a weather app I could constantly check on my desktop.

After all, we've been having some pretty weird weather down here in Santa Barbara land. Today, it's drizzly outside whereas yesterday it was burning hot. I only managed to sit through half of the men's homecoming soccer game before our group left.

Homecoming was fun. Really, really different from the whole idea of football homecoming back home. No floats, no court, no crowning or dance. But it was cool. College is cool.

It's October, which means college applications for the 2011-2012 year are underway. I'm pretty sure I had already applied to at 4 schools at this time last year, and Westmont was the last school on my mind. I guess God just had different things in mind :)

Today is the last day of the weekend (No...) and I'm about to embark on the 6th week of college. 1/2 months done. Whoa. Time is flyin' by right in front of me. It's hard to believe I've been here that long already. The transition is starting to subside and I'm really enjoying the person I'm becoming.

I think this place is slowly becoming home.

This is good.

I'm planning on doing homework today, finishing up the massive 8-9 hours I did yesterday and studying for the two tests I have this week. Exam numero uno in Fitness for Life and Public Speaking midterm. Eek. This is going to be interesting.

Fare thee well bloggers.

I wish thee the grandest of all Sundays :)

"I wear my best clothes on Mondays for Jasmine. I hope she notices me. It's hard to fall asleep at night on Sundays, cause I'm so eager to dream about her..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-09-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

This week has been good.

Interesting.

Rewarding.

Amazing.

Frustrating.

Questionable.

I think I'm just going to wait this out.

"I will follow you into the dark,"

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

Heat Wave

2010-09-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

It's finally over. Thank goodness.

I can finally sit outside, and be comfortable weather wise. Yesterday was really, really ridiculous. I felt like I walked outside into an oven. I melted. Not literally, but almost.

Maybe I'm over-exaggerating, but I know it was really bad. Everyone knew it was terrible. No doubt about that. But it's over. Today was a sunny and comfortable 82 degrees with the week forecast looking to drop as the week moves on.

It's been such a good day. Productive. Cool (weather-wise, of course!). Easy. Wonderful.

I'm sitting here right outside of my section in our "courtyard" watching the clouds move in the sky. There's a slight breeze and a good grip of people hanging around on Clark Beach. I have my headphones plugged into my Regina Spektor pandora station (fyi: the weepies are playing right now. Pure awesomeness) and I'm feeling pretty good about life right now.

I've finished my first month of college.

Whoa.

We're into our 5th week here at Westmont and it's unbelievable. I can't comprehend that this is actually happening, I'm living where I go to school, I'm done with high school, I'm a college student. It still seems surreal when I think about it.

It has been hard, frustrating, rewarding and emotionally crazy. The transition is not over yet, but somehow I feel a bit more comfortable here. Maybe it's the growing relationships and friendships that are being built, or maybe it's just me accepting the fact that college is here, college is now, and I'm going to have to learn to live like this.

Good thing I like it :)

4 years from now, I'll be done with school. I'll be moving on to "real life" believe it or not, and this phase of my life will be over. But I'm not going to think that far ahead right now. I've got 4 years to have the time of my life here at Westmont, and I plan on making the most out of it.

But I really could do without all these Westmont flies. They're following me around everywhere.

Well, you win some, you lose some.

It's all part of life, right?

Right.

"And they were all yellow."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

It's 'effin hot.

2010-09-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Well, it's actually only 88 degrees, but then again it's midnight. Which means it should be cool. Perhaps even cold. But its not. Damn.

Currently the majority of the girls in my section are rocking sports bras and shorts because it's way too warm to wear anything else. We are also incapable of sleeping through this heat. Ridiculous.

Anyway, today was an interesting day, at least, most of it.

I spent the majority of this morning doing homework and preparing for my speech tomorrow. Then took some time off to hang with myself down on state street. Did a bit of shopping, checked out a bookstore (where I bought my new favorite book: "His Princess Warrior - Love Letters of Strength from Your Lord") and bought my first blenders.

I spent a lot of my afternoon thinking. If you haven't noticed, it's a pretty dangerous thing. There's a lot on my mind, and I'm not sure about a lot of it. But then again, this whole college thing is blowing my mind, so I think it's okay to not be sure about a lot of things.

I've been meeting so many amazing people since I've been here. But it's really awkward not to have a real, close, friendship with any of them. Time builds that, and we've only had one month together. We're close, but not in the sense I'm used to. It took 15 years to build some friendships that I treasure the most, and a month hasn't done the friendships I'm building justice.

Time will do what it will. It's up to me to make the most of what I have so far, so if that means late-night conversations over nachos, sports bra parties with my suite mates and many many NCTOs, INDYs, and LSDs...then I'm okay with that. It's going to take me somewhere, and I know I'm going to love where I end up.

God is doing amazing things.

"Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile, I miss the way we breathe."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Mamma Jo

2010-09-22T23:24:00.001-07:00

wins Gotcha.

Ultimate win for K.

So begins the rush of spontaneous date offers and major pride for our section. The paranoia has ended, thank goodness.

At this very moment, there are a good chunk of people smashed into Harmeet's room and we're having ridiculous conversations about who knows what.

I've been writing a lot of music lately. I just finished a worship song last night, that is - actually, the first that I feel really content with. The lyrics are raw, the chorus is catchy and I really, really, love it. I finished a scratch recording of it last night, and would have it up on purevolume but Westmont's internet is being completely stupid and cutting out every five minutes.

Lame.

Life is good. I think I'm finally settling into this idea of "college" and all that comes with it. I still miss home, in the idea of my friends and the overall familiarity.

But there are just so many adventures to explore here. There's a fresh breath of air that I'm loving so far. Just the newness of people, surroundings, and experiences are just what I've needed. Especially after some stuff that went down this summer I am really ready to start over.

Starting over is basically the theme of this year. It's fresh, it's new, and it's going to be good. I'm loving where things are taking me so far, and hopefully I'm making the decisions that are going to lead me where I need to go.

I can't wait to see where I end up.

"Do you like knives?"
"They're just useful for cutting steaks."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

The Best Day Ever

2010-09-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the best day ever.

Let's start at the beginning.

So, sleeping in first of all is basically the best thing ever. I didn't get up until 11:00 this morning. Then, let's throw in a ham and cheese omelete courtesy of the DC and a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch and you've got the best damn brunch a college student can get.

Then, we're off to the beach. Kayaking time! Ok, kayaking is amazing. It was super cold and foggy - but we saw seals! SEALS!!! They were barking and swimming around us and it was so cool. Also saw some insane jellyfish. Kind of freaked me out. Took a lot of seaweed and threw it around. Tess was obsessed with the piece we floated off of our kayak. Kind of one of the best experiences so far. Loveee the beach.

Okay, so Tess (who lives in the suite below me) got her first tattoo today. A tiny outline of a daisy on her left foot, more specifically her toe. SO ADORABLE. It was so crazy actually being in a tattoo parlor and watching the whole process. Tess did awesome. She most definitely did not cry, nor get cold feet (no pun intended) at the last minute. Her tattoo artist was amazing - working at the same parlor for 11 years, and also owns it. If I ever had the guts (and reasons) to get a tattoo, I would def. go back there. Way, way, awesome :)

Back home, I fell asleep on the shuttle (kind of awkward by the way) came back up and did homework. Lots of homework. Ate a noodle cake for dinner. Not really sure what it was, or what it was made of, but it was delicious. Did the whole green apple with peanut butter thing and then settled down for lots of Public Speaking homework. Guess who was productive? That's right - me.

Also got tired and decided to drink a mug of coffee. Now...wide awake. Overall, a great day. A really, awesome, great day.

I can't wait to see what the rest of this week brings.

"I kinda feel like I'm giving birth right now."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Late nights.

2010-09-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

Or super early morning.

Anyway, I really should be sleeping, and I really should have done my Christian Doctrine reading earlier, and I really should still be in Gotcha, and I really shouldn't have eaten flavor blasted goldfish and coco pebbles 10 minutes ago, and I really...don't mind.

I just wrote a new song.

I am on such a high right now.

Read on, and see why I am just beyond happy as of right now.

Waiting for You

I'm out here sitting on your doorsteps

Waiting for you, waiting for you

And everyday I just can't stop

Thinking of you, thinking of you

No way, no how

I always told myself don't fall so easily

You should know by now

What comes after the wall, is just worse than what was before.

But when your smile matches my heartbeat

As it beats wildly out of my chest

There's a feeling I haven't had to deal with just yet

And I know it's there inside your heart, you just don't know what to do

Take your time. Figure it out. And I'll stay here

Waiting for you

You can only fix a heart

So many times, so many times

Cause the band-aids start to fall off

When you lose all hope, lose your mind
And if this, is real

I'm going to need more than a bit of conversation

I need room to heal

A promise not to break it again

Cause I don't know how much more my heart can stand

But when your smile matches my heartbeat

As it beats wildly out of my chest

There's a feeling I haven't had to deal with just yet

And I know it's there inside your heart, you just don't know what to do

Take your time. Figure it out. And I'll stay here

Waiting for you

And I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for you

If you're feeling, feeling, feeling it too

I'll take the risk, hand you my heart

And I know that you'll do your part

And then your smile matches my heartbeat

As it beats wildly, out of my chest

SOOOO GOOOD. I feel awesome right now. Like this has been settling in my stomach for a while and I just managed to put it out in words I feel good about. It was worth staying up this late. It was worth the scratching and scribbling it took. And maybe, just maybe, I think it's the best song I've written so far.

Wow.

This is good.

"It's like a small kitten, basking in the sunlight of God's love."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-09-07T16:50:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. That is all.

"Thuggin'."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

one week down, 4 more years to go?

2010-09-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

FIRST WEEK OF COLLEGE OFFICIALLY FINISHED!

Already, I'm overloaded with reading and homework. Well, not too terribly. Just to the point where I'm already procrastinating.

Westmont is amazing.

I've made a ton of friends, especially with the girls in my section. We hang out a ton, do ridiculous things together (dinosaur imitations anyone?) and basically just have a good time. My stomach has adjusted easily to DC food, thank goodness and the only sickness I've battled so far is a small fever/stuffy nose that seems to be declining quickly.

Other than that, God is doing amazing things in my life. We've been talking a lot lately, just about school and other stuff going on. The transition is difficult, I'm not going to lie, but through Him I can do all things. I do miss life back home, my parents, and just the overall familiarity of things. But, I love the adventure and breath of new life here.

The next four years are going to be one huge experience, adventure, struggle and memory to behold. College is here, and I still can't believe it.

It's kind of nothing like I expected it to be. Especially classes, as my dad says, "There's no one here to hold your hand now. Professors expect you to know stuff." Assignments are not reminded, reading is expected, pop quizzes are in abundance, and so on. But I love my classes so far.

World History = fun class, new classroom and a pretty chill professor.

Fitness = hilarious, easy, and really interesting.

Christian Doctrine = thought provoking, lots of reading, a bit difficult, and an amazing professor

Public Speaking = fav class so far. Dr. O is great, way funny and super interesting

Women's Choir = kind of crazy, lots of very vocally talented girls, and bit overwhelming.

So far, so good. Today, I have a bit more homework to catch up, a speech to memorize, and another speech to pick for recital at the end of the semester. Pretty chill morning if I do say so myself.

Life is good :)

"I like meat. And by meat, I mean Harmeet."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

warrior life

2010-08-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Day 2 of orientation is coming to an end.

I am moved into my new dorm, organized (somewhat...), stuffed with food from the DC and pretty happy. Tonight we have dessert with the President and line dancing with the rest of the class of 2014.

So far, Orientation has been a whirlwind of information and crazy activities. Between everyone moving in and getting set for the start of classes on Monday I feel like I'm moving into camp all over again. Insane.

Everyone is amazing here. From the community, to the O-Staff, all of the girls in my section/other people I've met, I'm pretty freakin' amazed with the sense of comfort I find in this college. I'm pretty sure this was the right choice.

It's going to take a couple more days to settle in and probably a couple more weeks to get into a groove of classes but fast forward maybe like, a month and I feel like I'm going to be calling this place home. Which is weird. But going to be super awesome. I guess I'll just have to go with the swing of things and wait and see how everything plays out.

College is actually happening. This is insane.

"So that you may know him more."

Ephesians 1:17

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Last days...

2010-08-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

It's coming down to the wire.

2 more days till Westmont.

Today, I woke up early enough to stop by Madrigals and say hello to all of my choir friends who are (unfortunately) still in high school. Brought by some donuts, listened to their new music and stayed to check in with Concert Choir. Really brought back some memories and made me super excited for college choir in the years to come.

Ran by a couple other teachers, saying a couple good byes before I am off to school later this week. Checked in with Mr. Hodges. Reminisced about PVA and endless hours computing test results as his lab assistant last semester. Walked over to South Campus and popped into Mr. Carlson's 2nd period Economics/Government class. Saw plenty of familiar faces. Also, promised him and Mr. Harris a maple bar when I return for Christmas.

In a nutshell, I'm beyond happy I don't have to be at the high school for another year.

Today, I get cavity numero dos filled, take some moolah out of the bank and clean out my car. Get packing, get organized and get ready to move out. The next two days are going to be incredibly busy/crazy/hectic but I think I'm ready to start this whole adventure.

But for now, it's lunch time.

"I feel like a creepy theme going on here."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Visalia. After Hours.

2010-08-20T00:11:00.000-07:00

Thus ends an evening of hanging out with my best friends from high school.

Lilly and Taylor, I've missed you both an incredible amount this summer.

We spent the night reliving memories of senior year, eating Jack-in-the-Box curly fries and laughing like there's no tomorrow. In a nutshell...

"I'm going to go celebrate with my boyfriend at his 20-50th birthday party!"

"Don't make me slap that taco outta yo hand!"

"Over-sized people are...nice."

I've got NeverShoutNever! on shuffle and a bit on my mind. It's 12:30 in the morning of my last Friday in Dinuba and I'm kind of thirsty. Today, I have a dentist appointment, dorm shopping with my Dad and Josh Islas' going away party in Reedley.

Um, back to that little bit on my mind...

I told a story tonight. It hurt a bit, stung a little and made me remember some stuff I tried to forget this summer. But then again, I'm not sure if I really want to forget it.

Life throws stuff at you. It doesn't pay attention to if you're watching, ready, or even able to handle it. It chucks something at you and then watches how you react. Do you let it smack you in the face and knock you down? Or do you get hit, maybe fall, but get back up?

I'm still not sure exactly how I handled the big load of crap life threw at me earlier this summer. For the most part, I got over it and kept going, but I still feel like I missed something in all of this.

I'll figure it out along the way. That seems to be the way I get most of stuff done in my life.

Let the adventure again. 6 days until Westmont.

"Just wanted to let you know that you rock (paper, scissors), and that I realized pretty early that if I was gonna be third-wheeling it up, I'd rather that happen with someone as cool as you."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

life off the mountain

2010-08-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

is busy. Like, surprisingly really busy.

I have just about a week left at home before I embark on this crazy adventure called college.

Leaving Calvin Crest was really bittersweet. I was ready to get home and see my family, friends, and my cat, not to mention sleep in my own bed, but I wasn't ready to say good-bye to all of the amazing people I met this summer. I'm really going to miss all of the ridiculous memories I've had with everyone, from late night talks and walking to the dark side of the moon, illegal ice cream in the kitchen after hours, riding in the gator and scaring cows while eating chicken quesidillas and leading worship for a thousand different campers.

All in all, God taught me so much this summer, and it was time for me to take what I've learned and put it into action back home. So far, so good. God is going to be present in this move out to Santa Barbara, and I'm excited to what He will show me as I continue seeking after Him through my freshmen year.

So, back to this incredibly busy week...

I have 3 basic things to do before I move to Santa Barbara. But each of them breaks down to about 40 smaller things. 1. Clean out my room/take care of medical stuff 2. Say good-bye to all my friends/the entire city of Dinuba and 3. Buy a bunch of new stuff for college. Like I said, it breaks down to a lot of smaller things.

Tomorrow, I go back to the doctor to get my TB test read, get my teeth checked out by the dentist, and drive to Clovis to spend some time with Rachel Hamlin before she leaves up to Bass Lake. Basically, we're probably going to have some sort of ridiculous adventure in Clovis, and I'm really excited for it. I doubt anything can top the whole, "lets-go-scare-cows-with-greg-in-the-gator-and-also-make-chicken-quesidillas-to-eat-while-we-do-it-plus-it's-like-11:30-at-night" adventure, but I'm sure we'll manage.

Did I mention we also ordered our friendship ukelele? Oh yes, the mailing starts at the end of September, which means I'll have the uke for October. Expect some sort of adorable and funny halloween song to come out of that.

Anyway, I have an early wake up call tomorrow, so I'm hitting the hay.

Bed time. Yes please.

"Suffix!"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Hello August.

2010-08-02T09:04:00.000-07:00

You're here. Like, really, here.

This means this summer is starting to come to a close. It's our last week of camp. Week 8, high school camp, and Valley Teen Ranch @ Outpost. I think it just hit me that everyone is really leaving this weekend. It's over.

Well, not really. I talked to Uncle Tony who has said there is openings to help out with a massive guest group coming next week. I have nothing else to do, so I might as well stay up here and help out. But, not everyone is staying, therefore I'm really sad to see everyone go. It's a little bittersweet, but this summer has been good. Really good.

I'm thinking back to memories from O-Week and Family Camp and it's really weird to think I've really been on this mountain top for that long. I literally haven't been back in Dinuba since the end of May. Plus the end of this summer means I have to start getting ready for college, which is really right around the corner. That's weird.

I feel like I should be starting another year at the high school, but I'm done. Moving out. Moving forward. Leaving. I dreamt of this day all throughout my years at DHS, and now that it's actually happening, I'm not sure if I'm ready.

But, life is happening. I accept it, and I'm going to be ready for it one way or another. Bring it on :)

"It's because you're half armenian and half asian."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-07-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

I need to write music.

But I also need some inspiration.

Where do I find it?

Usually it just comes to me naturally, but I don't feel as if there's anything I really want to express at the moment. There's gotta be something.

It's going to eat away at me until I can find something, discover an emotion, relive a situation. I have a bit of a tagline in my head, but I'm not sure if I can mold it into a new creation I can be truly satisfied with.

And this week has been super busy regardless, but this is important. Music is my journal. Expression. My private diary. The songs can come out raw, natural, angry, beautiful, or all of the above. I love everything about my music. The melody, the stories, and the memories they bring back. Songwriting = love.

As I look out to my left, there's a million trees lining a pure blue sky, and a warm bright sun shining down on me through the branches. The ranch house is peeking out of the AIM trail area, and I'm sitting on a picnic table on the back deck. It's warm, and chilling since there is a slight breeze.

This place is beautiful.

Creation reflects the Creator, therefore my Creator is just as beautiful, if not more, as this place.

I have work in about an hour, and I need to head up to my cabin to get changed and ready. The kitchen has amazing, FYI, even with this huge/stressful/crazy/frustrating week. I love the girls, and I'm making the most out of the rest of our summer together :)

"TAG-TEAM-STAFF-COOK-PANDA-SKI-MASK AGHHHH!!!"

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

THIS...IS...KITCHEN!!!

2010-07-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hello Week 6, also known as 300+ camper week.

Let's take a moment to break this down.

50 Staff

60 Guest Group (Jews for Jesus!)

25 Outpost

40 Sherwood

202 Crestview (High School Camp FTW!)

= 377 campers

Now take that number and imagine how many plates we wash, how much food we prepare and the pure amount of time we are taking to serve this campers. SO GOOD.

I love when camp fills up like this. I am so excited for this crazy/insane/busy/amazing week.

Mainly, because I'm going to get to spend a ton of time in SHERWOODDDD, since I'm taking on the role of Maid Marian this week. Ryan and I are tag-teaming Robin Hood and his fair lady, while Greg is going to be Lil' Jon. Best tri-team ever? I think so. Still searching for a Bandit, minus the twins not agreeing which kind of stinks.

It's all good. So psyched for all the fun times we're going to have in the 'Woo with all the campers. I remember being a camper in Sherwood and basically wanting to be Maid Marian when I grew up, live in Sherwood forest and run around doing crazy things with Robin Hood protecting the forest. Now, I actually get to live it. Yes please :)

It's been good. God has been amazing to me, and I can't thank Him enough. Changed my attitude and suddenly everything became better. Stopped focusing on stupid little things that ruined my day, and focused on the Creator who is continuously blessing me every moment of my life. I can't wait where He will take me and show me in the last couple weeks on this mountain.

So I continue on this journey, awaiting for the instruction to where I may go next.

"It didn't really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

lovelovelove

2010-07-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

Life is beautiful.

My friends are amazing.

It's been a while since my last blog, so here's an update in a nutshell.

Week 5 of camp is here. Where does the time go?

Juana and Ben are finally married! Dance parties, lovely ladies, handsome men and goat skillets.

Guest group/staff cooking. Stressful, but rewarding.

18 AIMERS. 4 in the kitchen. I'm a prayer partner!

Boys are annoying. I'm getting over it.

Getting into the groove, or better put, wave of my hair. Learning to love it.

Reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. Loving it so far, and only 1 chapter in.

College is fast approaching. I'm getting nervous.

Learning to feel beautiful. It's a process. Progress, progress, progress.

The mountain top has been treating me real good. Summer 2010 = lovelovelove

"Baby cow. BAILY!"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Reality Check

2010-07-02T13:00:00.001-07:00

Thanks life, really needed that one.

Actually, for once, that wasn't sarcasm.

I'm still getting back up from being knocked down again. It's all good, I'm not too deeply cut. Scraped maybe. Bruised a little. I'll be sore for a couple days but it'll wear off like the soreness from the first week of basketball training.

I never know what I'm getting myself into, until it slaps me in the face and yells at me "What were you thinking?!??" as it did yesterday.

I'm pretty sure this is all for the best. This morning was rough, but after a talk with my "personal assistant" I'm reminded there are better things ahead than any I leave behind. As my dad says, give thanks in all circumstances. Which I'm attempting to do right now, and even though it's tough, I'm getting through it.

My summer is just beginning. I have 5 more weeks of hilariousness, ridiculousness and lots of laughter to go. I can't let something take all that away. I plan on making the most out of the rest of my time up here at this amazing place, regardless of frustrating situations, people, and/or mistakes that I make.

I'm learning, life is happening, and I'm growing up.

It's all good.

"You were a song in my head, the warmth of the sheets in my bed..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Today is gonna be a good day

2010-06-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

'Cause I said it's gonna be.

Summer, summer, summer.

It's been amazing so far, and it's only going to get better.

Life in Calvin Crest land is all good. I have the coolest friends, hilarious conversations and best memories so far. We're just about halfway through this crazy adventure and I'm so excited for what's to come. God's been working in crazy awesome ways and I can't thank Him enough. He's revealing Himself to me in ways I could never imagine, and I'm constantly amazed by Him.

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

- Matthew 5:14

This is my verse for this summer. I want to shine so bright, people have to put on a pair of sunglasses to ask where I'm getting this overflowing joy from. I'm going to bring the light of my Savior to people living in darkness. Allow them the chance to see the light that I'm so thankful for.

There's plenty of darkness out there. And I'm ready to shine my light into it.

Bring it on :)

"When the waves, are flooding the shore, and I can't find my way home anymore. That's when I look at you."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Right on.

2010-06-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

My mind works in a really weird way.

I feel like I think about stuff in an unusual way, not the same method most other people take.

I read conversations, play them back in my mind and think about them more after they happen. Discuss interactions and times spent together. Simplify them? No thanks, I'll think about them more and then read what faces and observations I've made.

I haven't decided if this is a positive thing or if I should try and "fix" this.

I'm just going with the flow.

Normally, I can pretty easily read other people and what their goals are in a situation. People make things more obvious then they realize. Even if you are trying to hide something, most of the time you drop a word or action that blows your entire cover. Of course, I've done it before. Who hasn't?

But lately, I've run into people that are like a brick wall to me. I can't get inside their head and figure out what they want. What they are striving for. It's frustrating. Is this what other people feel like? It's almost unfair, even though I know this is probably the best for this situation. I just wish once, I could figure them out.

I really, really, need to write some music.

There are too many thoughts running through my head, like a multi-lane freeway that's packed at rush hour. There's too much noise, too much frustration and confusion and I need to find an off-ramp and get off. What happened to the days of simplicity and pure joy? I want those back.

God has been good, and He will continue giving me the desires of my heart. He will lead me where I need to be, and take me out of situations that are not of Him. I pray for discernment, wisdom, and peace. There are just sometimes I wish I could understand things a little more.

Such is life, and I'm going to continue living and loving it. It's too short to worry about stuff like this. I'm ready to get out.

Take me away?

"Just our hands clasped so tight, looking for the hint of a spark."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Updates, updates, updates

2010-06-28T13:32:00.001-07:00

This week marks the 4th week on the mountain for me.

Insane.

It feels like just yesterday I arrived up to start this crazy adventure. But, here I am...almost halfway through this amazing experience. Talk about crazy.

Here are a couple updates of life on the mountain top.

Kitchen life is going amazing. I've been staff cooking for this week, as well as jr. high camp last week. I don't get to sleep in or get off fairly early, but I do get pretty large chunks of off-time in between meals. I absolutely love my team. The girls and I are pretty much ridiculous but we have become super close. We talk about everything, and of course, chop veggies and prep food together.

I've been playing a lot of guitar lately. Writing music, learning music, teaching music, all that jazz. I found a new favorite song, "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie. It's a beautiful, sad, and amazing song about undying love. Which is kind of sorta cool :)

I've been spending time with friends, strengthening friendships I haven't interacted with in a while and loving life. This mountain top feels like a home to me, and I feel super blessed to be able to spend my entire summer up here. Already, things have changed so much, but I'm okay with that. Which is unusual, but I'm just going with the flow of things. Apparently, it's working fairly well.

Big things are finally happening, and I'm letting them happen.

"Forever young, I wanna be...forever young..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-06-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

Summer is slowly becoming the best summer yet :)

And I can tell it's only going to get better from here on out.

Dance party tonight, perhaps a trip to the dark side of the moon and stargazing. Camp turnover tomorrow then Toy Story 3 with the gang. Sunday brings another load of new Family Campers and CCAs, and lots more fun.

God provides. End of story.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-06-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

Can I just sum up what happened last night in the dining hall?

Insanity workout video. Carpet squares everywhere. Guitarish things happening. LOLcats. Youtube videos and hilarious web pages. Palm readings. Making decisions. Fresh shower hair. Hot tea, hot chocolate, hot coffee. Conversations with good friends :)

I think the last was my favorite.

Conversations up here last forever, talking about anything and everything. Favorite movies, ironic moments, memories with the other, and lots of stories, lots of laughter. I wish I could just videotape some of the conversations I have with people up here because I would totally watch them and listen to them again.

It's only week 3, and I've made new friends, strengthened friendships and reignited some I've missed. It's all good :)

Today, I have lunch and dinner to run for staff, then we're having a massive movie night in the dining hall with staff and watching "Fight Club" which I have not seen all the way through yet. Finishing it makes me happy, along with other things :)

Ah, life is good.

"Happy birthday to the GROUND!!!"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

The Prayer Trail

2010-06-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'm making it a goal to pray more.

Too much time goes by where I just forget to talk to God about everything. Good things, bad things, frustrating things, and amazing things.

So, therefore I've renamed the Eastview trail which leads to the dining hall from my cabin the "Prayer Trail." It's about a 4 minute walk where I'm making a point to talk to God during my journey down to main camp, or up to my cabin. Today, I discussed sleep, my hair, friends and endurance for the day.

I want to let Him know everything. Talk to him like I would talk to my best friends. Laugh about hilarious moments that day (like flour fights in the kitchen) and frustrating moments (like having to throw away my favorite coffee mug because someone tipped over a table during breakfast and it shattered) and amazing things (like leading worship for church yesterday like a pro). Daily conversations strengthen relationships, and I want a stronger relationship with my everlasting Father.

So, my journey on the prayer trail is a perfect opportunity to catch up with God on little moments during the day.

In other words, I'm feeling much better about things. Camp life is already amazing, and it's only week 2. Vegas invaded Calvin Crest land yesterday, and so far, so good. Sherwood is up and running great, Rachel is managing Sherwood Driver like a pro and I'm staff cook for the next two weeks. In a nutshell, I don't think I could have asked for a better summer.

The Carlsbad boys (Ryan and Ben) and I watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs yesterday and instantly created quotable moments.

"Avacado!!!"

"This tastes significantly better than sardines."

"What's it called?"

"A peanut allergy."

"No, the machine."

So, life is good.

No, scratch that.

God is good.

All the time.

God is good.

"I see a generation, rising up to take their place. With selfless faith, selfless faith. I see a near revival, stirring as we pray and seek..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-06-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

I hate getting knocked down.

Sometimes everything is going absolutely perfect, and then...things suck.

What can you do?

Today had me thinking way too hard. I spent time cutting tomatoes, cucumbers, and lettuce thinking about stuff I really shouldn't worry about. Consequence? Cut on my right ring finger that still burns because I was distracted while prepping food in the kitchen.

I could say unfair, but I'm not going to. Things like this happen for a reason, and I continue to give thanks in all circumstances, regardless of the circumstances.

It's just...difficult sometimes. But I'm in a place that inspires me more than ever, and I've been getting emotions out of myself in the healthiest way possible, which means I'm writing music and running like crazy. Reading the bible and praying constantly. Devotions. Meditation. Focusing on the one who will provide for me all that I need.

I just wish for once, things would work out the way I've always dreamed they would. But the reality is I can wish and wait all I want, but nothing is going to change God's will for me. I have plans for myself, and God has plans for me, and until they match up perfectly I'm going to be stuck in ruts like today where I'm so confused and frustrated about everything.

Getting them to match up means getting rid of my desires on focusing on where the Lord sends me. Doing what He calls me to. Living my entire life for him, instead of trying to make my life perfect on my own. He has an amazing and beautiful plan for me, and I need to embrace that instead of attempting to "fix" what I am already blessed with.

Tonight, I am falling into His arms again and letting him take control.

"If His grace, is an ocean, we're all sinking..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Standing in the Shadow of a Giant

2010-06-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

Life on the mountain is amazing.

Yesterday I went on a run after work to get my mind off some things and get a much needed workout in. I seriously haven't ran since the end of track season, which was like over a month ago.

My mind seemed stuffed full of stuff I really don't need to be worrying about right now. I was totally consumed with wishes for stuff I don't necessarily need, just want - or wish for. I was confused and trapped within myself. I needed a way out, something to get me out of this make believe world and into something I can truly believe in. In situations like this, I run. It's a pretty healthy way to clear my mind.

Anyway, I took off up the Eastview road, unsure where I was going to go next.

I took a right turn and found myself running along a familiar road I've walked (or perhaps, hiked...) time and time before. It was the road we take to get to the Shadow of the Giants trail, which is a beautiful mile long trail surrounded by huge, gigantic sequoias. The hike up to the beginning of this trail is about 3/4 of a mile, so I plugged in my iPod and out to meet the Sequoias.

As I ran, I couldn't help but be totally overwhelmed by the amazing creation around me. Everywhere I looked, I saw beauty. Thousands of trees. A beautiful meadow. The sun shining down on me, the only thing ahead of me open road. It was amazing.

When I reached the beginning of the trail, I stopped and took a short break. I sat and prayed, asking God to clear my mind and help me figure this stuff out. Then, everything stopped. Everything. I was perfectly content for a second in time, and God was there. I was standing in his shadow - the shadow of a giant. A perfect, loving, totally amazing giant. A giant that will provide for me, give me the desires of my heart, and never, ever, ever leave me.

Being alone in this secluded place was incredible. It was just me and God. Just us, together, embracing the creation He has made for me. I will run back up to this place again, perhaps meet God again and share something special. He is calling me to places, and I will go where He sends me.

"What am I supposed to do with artichoke flavored cheese?!??"

Respectfully submnitted,

Leah

Wavy Hair and CCAs

2010-06-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

Why, hell0 there Family Camp Week 1.

Wasn't expecting you so soon.

We are into the first week of official camp at Calvin Crest, and so far so good. CCAs are flooding the camp everywhere, and why the boys were up at 6am for hot chocolate and ping pong in the dining hall? Don't ask me. FYI, that's almost an hour earlier than I was up.

On a side note, there is a large crowd of people screaming "When I say Jesus, you say Christ! When I say Holy, you say Spirit!" Thanks Crestview/Sherwood. You make my day.

On the hair side of things, I've taken to not straightening my hair for a while to save my hair from the effects of straightening it so much during this last semester of high school. Split ends were massive toward the end of school. Therefore, I am embracing my thick, wavy, somewhat uncontrollable hair for a while.

Hair must be up for kitchen work, so for the most part it will be up in either a messy bun or ponytail, but now is time to learn to deal with my hair before college rolls around this fall. Life without a straightener may be the best part of my life so far.

In other things, camp is going swell. Between massive amounts of dishes, dancing like Finn from Glee, only 4 girls in my cabin, putting the adjective "baby" in front of basically everything, and other ridiculous stuff, I am throughly enjoying myself. I don't think I could have asked for a better summer experience. I plan on blogging my way through this journey, since I will have a decent amount of free time. Well, at least more than I did over the school year.

PM duty starts at 11. It's currently 9:07, and I have two hours to kill. My options are: (1) sleep, (2) shower (3) read or (4) hang around some more on the internet. I think I'm going to go with option 4 since I slept well, already took a shower last night and have nothing to read.

Carry on bloggers. Carry on.

"Wham-bam-thank you ma'am juice?"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Laundry day, no internet, and photobooth on my laptop. Plus - natural hair :)

Mountain Living

2010-06-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

This is a beautiful place.

Calvin Crest summer staff Orientation Week has officially started. So far, so amazing. Love the staff, love my team, love the laughs, conversations, and experiences. Love what God is doing.

It's only 4 days into our first week together and campers are not even up at camp yet, and already I feel as if this is going to be the most amazing summer of my life. God is working in so many ways, and I am more than excited for what the next 10 weeks hold.

The atmosphere up here is incredible. Everyone is upbeat, excited and ready to love on every camper that comes up the mountain. Our kitch crew (of all girls) have already bonded and started friendships, some over random and hilarious moments - like filling mustard bottles.

I'll update as much as I can over this summer, with stories and experiences I go through throughout the next two months. God is moving, and I am following.

"We went from discussing cleaning lettuce to discussing pole dancing."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Top 10 for 2010 (Update #2)

2010-05-25T22:26:00.001-07:00

2 more goals finished!

Goal #9 was Make someone's day and turns out, I've made someone's last two years.

Upon looking through my senior yearbook, I found this written by a current sophomore (now, junior...) I have grown closer to over this past year.

Leah, I love you.

You have made these last two years unforgettable.

You inspire me to be better and make my dreams come true.

I wouldn't have been able to go through a lot of stuff without you.

So all I can say is thank you and that you mean the world to me.

I know we will be famous together, so the world better watch out!

Leah, knock them dead :)

I see a lot of myself in her, as well as a good load of ambition and dreams. She will go far in life, and I am glad I had the opportunity to inspire her and become close friends. Together, we make a kick-butt duo and I will definitely miss her next year. However, I know she will continue to lead what I am leaving and make the most out of her next years in high school, not to mention the rest of her future. I hope we stay close friends and like she said, end up famous together one day :)

Good luck to you, and I wish you the best.

Goal #3 Give the Inspirational Message at Graduation is also complete!

I chose to double with the Felipe Guillen (ranked #5 in our class) to give the message at graduation. Together we wrote a speech based off of Dr. Suess' amazing short story, "Oh the Places You'll Go."

This is a book that is very close to my heart. It is the simplest of messages, but holds a meaning stronger than I think any of us can comprehend. This is a book normally read to young children, but still captivates me to this day. It inspires me, which is why I decided to use it for our speech at graduation. Together, I understand that I can do anything in life. Anything I put my mind to.

Congratulations class of 2010.

"Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way!"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Excuse me..

2010-05-24T15:31:00.000-07:00

while I slap myself in the face for not updating my blog in so long.

Ok, wow. I have a lot to talk about, so lets get started.

Spring Choral Show

Talk about one amazing night.

It was an outstanding performance of music, dancing, and so much fun. I wish I could say too much work went into this event, but all in all...it created one memorable evening. From the inside jokes backstage, to the many people I got to know better, learning how to "dance," and all of the hours and late night rehearsals, Spring Show 2010 has been the best spring concert our department has put together to date.

Singing "On My Own" as Eponine from Les Mis was a unique experience. Taking on a character isn't difficult, but capturing her emotions was. From the feedback from the audience, I managed pretty well :)

Took home the award for "Outstanding Music and Leadership" in Concert Choir. What an honor. That night, I realized how much I am going to miss choir in the future. But I know music will never leave my life :)

Grad Nite 2010

This was the real, "beginning of the end." Grad Nite was amazing! There were so many high school seniors in Disneyland, from all over. You could waiting in line, and someone would shout "2010!!!" and everyone would erupt. It was truly a unique experience.

Yes, we were tired. Yes, I am still exhausted and of course I slept the entire ride home, but it was a memory I won't forget any time soon. Disneyland went all out for Grad Nite, from decorations to music - everything was top notch. I loved the night, and the memories made.

Scholarship Tea/Baccalaureate

What can I say? Wearing my cap and gown for the first time was really, unusual. I've been to a dozen baccalaureates and I never gave thought to when I would actually participate in one.

At the scholarship tea I was award over $2,000 in scholarships to help pay for my education at Westmont this fall. What a huge blessing. I am truly grateful all of my hard work in high school has paid off and I can wait to write back and tell these generous people everything I am doing.

Seeing my senior class decked out in traditional graduation attire was also weird. I couldn't help but catch myself thinking that the next time we wear these, it'll be the real deal. I also was told I will be giving the inspirational message at graduation with another senior in the top 5, so I'm pretty excited to cross #3 off my "Top 10 for 2010" goal list.

So life is moving very fast, graduation is 3 days away I am away and off to Boston, then Calvin Crest for the summer! I will do my very best to keep this blog updated.

"MMMMMGURLLLL"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

2010-04-11T12:45:00.001-07:00

I love my guitar.

End of story.

"Are you eating the popcorn???"

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

PS: Music Myspace coming soon :)

Decision Time.

2010-03-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

Well, it's spring break.

The last relaxation before the final stretch of the school year.

In this case, the final stretch of high school.

Ironically, this also happens to be the week I've made my decision to where I'm attending school next fall. Thanks to a rejection letter from Boston College, I'm packing up and moving on out to Santa Barbra to attend Westmont College after this summer.

I was disappointed for a while, but now I'm beginning to get excited about the next four years of my life. People keep telling me how amazing my years at Westmont will be, so I'm just going to start getting excited about it as well.

After all, it's not like I got denied admission from Boston, and now I'm stuck at like, Reedley College or something.

6 schools out of 7 isn't bad. That's what my parents keep reminding me. I just wish I could have gotten in, not because I would have for sure moved out to the east coast, but just saying I was offered admission to every school I applied to would have been really neat.

Well, that's life.

What are you gonna do?

I'm going to make the best of it.

I have two more months of high school left before I kind of, well...have to grow up. The next months will bring the end of many things, but the beginnings of even more. I'm excited for where I'm headed and where I will go.

Bring it on world,

I'm ready :)

"Just gotta, roll with the punches and make this the best. 'Cause this life, is the only life that I'm gonna get."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Incredible.

2010-03-19T17:37:00.001-07:00

Absolutely incredible.

That's the only way I can sum up this entire week. As I sit here and reflect on everything that happened, I cannot think of any other way to have it. I simply cannot stop smiling.

I have been encouraged so much this week.

After celebrating my 18th birthday on Monday, I took the stage to audition for our high school's annual student/staff talent show. I took a deep breath, picked up my guitar and sang a song from my deep within my heart.

And they loved it.

"That was so good!"

"Get that on iTunes!"

"I'm not going to lie, that was really awesome."

Their words of encouragement lifted my dream higher than it's ever been before. Allowing others a peek inside the crazy, perfect world of my songs, I now have a small fan base growing within the advanced leadership class. I have never felt this way before, and I'm not letting anything bring me down from this high.

I am so excited for what is to come next.

This is the first big step in creating my image as a musician. I will continue taking the baby steps to achieve the dream I have within my mind. And I'm not going to stop until I get there.

For now, I will continue to write, to inspire, and enjoy the rest of my senior year.

There is plenty more incredible weeks to come.

"It was the night things changed. Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down. This revolution, throw your hands up 'cause we never gave in. We'll sing hallelujah..."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

Baby steps.

2010-02-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

Everything is falling into line.

Slowly.

I'm taking baby steps to where I want to be. Dreams I want accomplished. Goals I want to see finished. Everything starts somewhere, and I'm taking the necessary steps to move forward.

1 month into 2010, and I have lots of hope for the future.

January was basically a crash course in preparing for the last semester of high school, finishing college applications, rushing to meet deadlines and stepping into new, and mostly difficult, classes. It was a time to get the basics down and start digging into the serious stuff.

I'm loving my life right now.

I have a wonderful family, a great group of friends, and a bright outlook for the future. Sure, sometimes I'm not as happy when I think about the things I want, the stuff I wish I had, but the truth is I'm perfectly content with where I am right now. I know I have the ability to go much further, but I have to go through this first to get where I want to be. It's all part of the process. It's the necessary baby steps.

Recently I've been broadening my horizons on different artists I'm listening to. Amos Lee's "Sweet Pea" has been on repeat in my iTunes. It's a simple, swingy, love song that sums up a cute and somewhat addicting relationship. It's adorable, short, and quick to the point. Not to mention super catchy.

I need to pick up Nick Jonas' new CD at a Target, mainly because he's another songwriter I admire a lot. He has a tendency to write about love a lot, but who doesn't? He's got a mean imagination, and listening to his songs has given me a bit of inspiration for my own stuff. Love is such an easy topic to write about, but I'm starting to branch out and reach for different inspiration.

I'm currently working on a piece entitled "Figure it Out" about making sure you don't sell yourself too short. It's a song about reminding yourself to not settle for less. Go for it all, make the most of it, because you may regret the decisions you make. It's based off the story of someone I know, and how a single decision impacted her entire life. Perhaps someday she'll hear it...I'm not really sure how she would take it, but I hope it impacts her in a positive way.

Anyway, I think I'm going to work on more of it.

"Sweet pea, apple of my eye. I don't know when and I don't know why, but you're the only reason...I keep on coming home."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

PS: I've decided I need to learn piano. For reals.

Dreaming.

2010-01-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

I once wrote a silly little box on my myspace listing numerous, somewhat hilarious life goals I had for myself. I considered it a "bucket list" of sorts, but as I was reading through them the other day, I stumbled up one that still is strong in my mind.

I had set out the goal of performing an original song of mine in front of 1,000,000 people. Possible? Sure. Reasonable? Not so much.

But the more I think about it, the more I wish it would happen.

Not for the fame. Not for the money, the press, the celebrity friends, no.

Not for that.

I strongly believe everyone has a story to tell. A story that's being written each day we live. Some people choose to share it, others don't.

I just happen to share mine through music.

I am an avid songwriter, a musician, a vocalist, and a storyteller.

I was flipping through my lyrics journal the other day, and looking over songs I have written detailing experiences I've had throughout life. It brought up tear-jerking moments in the past year, people I haven't spoken to in months, bittersweet memories, and a lot of smiles. To name just a few...

"You are My Everything," which details an utterly perfect relationship with a person so incredibly matched for you. It forced me to remember true love can happen if you allow it.

"Intertwined," a song about a broken relationship between a parent and child taught me to always cherish what you have. It may be a matter of minutes before it's too late to fix.

"Any Longer," written about letting go. This song taught me releasing that one person you've been holding onto and moving onto the opportunities in your future sometimes is the best answer.

"Falling For You," is a complete musical interpretation of falling in love with someone. Through a strong melodious chorus, it taught me that someone will always be there to catch me.

"Live," a song completely composed in 18 minutes, taught me it's okay to be disappointed about missing an opportunity, but it's crucial to look towards the positive and keep living.

And finally, my latest addition to my original compositions, a lighthearted song entitled "Hey Baby" took the story of two lovers on the road of life together, and wove their story in between the reassurance of always being there for each other.

Each tells a story, and together, they reflect me.
Each also has a lesson to it. Something I have learned, need to learn, or want to learn.

Why shouldn't others see that too?

I hope one day I will able to share my stories.

One day I hope I get the opportunity to sing, play my guitar, and record my music.

One day I hope it reaches the ears of someone who needs to hear it.

One day I hope my audience understands the meaning behind my words, the inspiration for my music, and why I use my music as my voice for my stories.

But it hasn't happened yet.

So I continue to write.

I'll continue to write music until the day I die. After all, that's when my stories will end right? As long as there is a story to be told, I'll be here with my guitar and lyrics journal. I'll sit on my bed, at my computer, upon a bench or chair, sing my heart out and write what comes to mind.

And most importantly, I'll continue sharing my music with friends, family, and you.

I hope it helps you, reassures you, comforts you, and inspires you in anyway possible.

And perhaps if I break into the music industry one day, I hope to stay true to the same person I am today. I'll still be writing music to tell a story, paint a picture, and teach a lesson. I suppose the only thing different is I'll have a much bigger audience.

But for now I will settle with what I have at the moment, making the best of it.

So the next time you see me with my guitar, ask me to play you a song.

I'll be more than happy to.

"Shoot for the stars. Never settle for less than you have to."

Respectfully submitted,

Leah