the welcome wagon.

This is a short and informal post, but one worth reading.

I've been writing for a while, and one thing that never ceases to make me smile is when I see new people join the wonderful world of blogger.

So readers, join me in welcoming two new members to my current reading list, Emily and Emilie.

Emily Hagen, who lived in my section freshman year has a new blog up and running called Zero to Two in Five Seconds and has been blogging her way through summer thus far. Her personality (one of delightful sweetness and intelligent realizations about the world) really shines through her writing. Take a moment and check it out, her latest post is one of how she managed to outsmart her dog, and had me laughing and smiling the whole way through.

Emilie Whitman, on the other side of the spectrum of Emilys, also recently started writing on the world wide web. Whiticisms, as her blog is aptly titled features a more formal look into the world. Emilie and I recently traveled the Middle East together (because that's what college kids do, right?) and now that we are back home she has taken to writing as a form of processing and sharing her lessons with the world. Her writing is beautiful and really reflects everything this past semester and and day-to-day life discoveries hold. Her first post, surrounded around a metaphor of being a watering can sloshing over and hitting nearby plants with what this last semester has taught her was extremely creative and really well-written.

I'm stoked my friends are diving headfirst into the greatness that is having your own blog, so I'm here to spread a little encouragement to keep writing and keep sharing. 

Keep up the good work guys!

Respectfully submitted,

Leah

sustainable, bro.

Since arriving home from Boston, summer has settled into it's uneventful, laid-back, "no-need-to-wear-my-contacts-today," traditional style.

I've taken this downtime to organize my life (both literally and figuratively), and enjoy some down-time before life puts the pedal to the floor and I go from 0 to 60 in three days - otherwise known as the first weekend of Staff Orientation at Calvin Crest.

Typical days in my current home in Dinuba look like this.

Wake up. Coffee with Dad. Discuss the stock market, the front page of the sports section of the Fresno Bee, and whatever Kathy Lee and Hoda are talking about on the Today Show. Decide to change, or stay in my sleepwear all day. Do computer work - including but not limited to: photo editing, blogging, online housekeeping, responding to various emails and messages. Scrounge around the kitchen for lunch. Make great use of our microwave, nearby Taco Bell and endless supply of top ramen. Afternoons vary between naps, cleaning, television, various (and pretty rare) outings, small projects, etc. Evenings have included sunset runs to the sounds of Bon Iver, movie nights (or marathons of NCIS, House, and Law & Order SVU), more CNBC with Dad, and usually some sort of home-cooked meal. I watch the food network with my Dad almost every night - most of the time including me eating some sort of fabulous dessert my mother has made. Not a bad day if you ask me.

I like this lifestyle. Well, I like it now. I know it's going to get old, fast, so I'm trying to soak it up these two weeks before I leave.

Today I decided to not be lazy, and instead clean out my closest and dresser, pack away a huge donation bag of clothes to our local homeless shelter, and feel good about myself, while simultaneously satisfying the constant hunger for organization in my life.

Part of me hates this job, which I try to do every couple years, once my collection of free t shirts begins to overflow my second dresser drawer (that's a good go-to sign that I need to go through my clothes). Throw in organizing my constantly full and cluttered closest and it's not my cup of tea - shout out to Rachel Hatcher, are you drinking a cup of tea right now? I have come to realize my mom has resorted to using my closet as storage space while I'm away...otherwise I can't find an explanation for all of the little doggy outfits and random chew toys that our family dog, Margo owns. Regardless, I have a ton of crap in there too, so it's my responsibility to get it organized and neat.

Rummaging through all of my wardrobe that I never wear anymore is such a long process. Now - I'm not here to complain about how much I hate doing this (although I am doing a little bit of that), because there actually is a good ending to this story. So keep reading.

I love going through my old t shirts. If you knew me in high school, you knew that on any given day, in any given year (9th-12th), regardless of weather, I would show up to school in a pair of jeans and a t shirt. Screw fashion. Screw expectations and spending more than 15 minutes getting ready in the morning. If I had to be at school by 7am, you better bet that I am not going to waste precious sleeping time making sure I looked perfect. Jeans and a t shirt fit the bill perfectly. But - that fashion choice left me with an overabundance of t shirts I've collected over the years. And then going to Westmont and getting more free t shirts everywhere I went, only added to the madness.

When I sort out my shirts, I do it like this.

• must keep
• want to keep, but not wear
• want to keep, but really don't need, or want to wear
• don't need

"Must keep" shirts end back up in the cycle of my daily clothes. Granted, I don't wear jeans and t shirts everyday (Westmonsters can attest to that), I tend to lean back into my high school fashion mindset when I work at camp. And I'm surrounded by dirt 24/7. "Want to keep, but not wear" shirts are also known as souvenir shirts. They are the ones I don't wear anymore, but I don't want to give away because they mean something to me. My senior ASB shirt. My senior spring show shirt. My first Boston shirt from Jared. And so on - these are shirts I keep in my closet, something as a reminder of the good times. "Want to keep, but really don't need, or want to wear" shirts are the ones that just came short of the souvenir shirts. We'll come back to those. And don't need - are the ones that I actually don't need, wear, or have any inclination of keeping anymore. So if any one you want old faded Calvin Crest shirts or a navy blue "RUN FOREST RUN" shirt, get to Dinuba's Open Gate before someone else snags these beauties. 

Now the shirts that just fell short of the souvenir shirts are the ones that taught me something today. You see, I like these shirts. They are decent shirts, and I didn't want to just throw them away. I had seven of them, laying on my bed, and I didn't know what to do with them. Most of them are pretty ugly on their own, so I wasn't going to keep them to wear them again. I needed something new.

So I did what any decent person would do.

I grabbed a pair of scissors and turned each of them into a bro tank.

Problem yok.

Why did this teach me something? It taught me that 1) the sustainability lesson from Dedetepe still rings true in my head and 2) you can make something worthwhile out of something not so great all the time. In this case, it was awfully small scale - old t-shirts into fairly good looking tank tops, but it has been done on the larger scale before. A garden out of an old dirt plot.  A faulty iPod into a stellar watch. and with a little bit of intentional effort, a solid friendship out of a broken relationship. 

I was on a huge positivity kick this past semester. I got fed up with negative people early, and decided to be the opposite force for the remainder of the trip. So I become a superhero of positively, looking on the bright side of this, reminding people the good parts of that, keeping spirits high and encouragement even higher. But today, I realized that positivity isn't much unless you put it into action. Do something concrete with that positivity, and give yourself a reminder to continue thinking on the bright side.

So every time I rock this bro tank (which today is complimented by a pair of running shorts, sunglasses, and one sick china bun) I'll be reminded the importance of positivity.

Or be reminded of how great I look.
TYPICAL CHAZZ.

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

boston: the travel bug, respectable alcoholics, and california sunshine.

In the crazy first month of being home, in the midst of re-adjusting to life as an "American"again, and through the whole "I-really-just-want-to-travel-again" feeling, I had one light at the end of the tunnel, and that was this past week in Boston.

Beantown.

This city has a special place in my heart, not only because I originally thought I was going to spend my college years here, but now because it is now home to my brother, Jared, who came out here for school and decided to stay after. I know he's reading this right now, because 1) he always seems to comment on posts saying exactly the right things and more importantly, 2) because he's an awesome brother.

So where do I begin with this insanely great week? Well, for starters the real purpose in coming out here was to see his girlfriend, and my good friend Sally, graduate from Gordon College. Because that brought us out to Boston, it only seemed fitting to see Jared and tour some of the best restaurants for esquite dining and drinking. My Dad and I hopped on a plane out of Los Angeles in the late morning of the 15th, ready for some East Coast relaxation and a much needed break from California. Not to mention the travel bug had bit me again, and I found myself yearning for airports, hotel rooms, and the constant feel of an adventure.

First of all, I realized that day, sitting at our airport gate awaiting the boarding call for our JetBlue flight, that I love being a "travler." I love that persona, I love everything that comes with it. The clean and smooth looking carry on luggage. The headphones draped around my neck. Boarding passes and identification in hand. I think I was born to be a traveler. Jumping place to place, maybe not entirely sure of what to expect when I arrive, but knowing that whatever comes my way will still be an adventure. This past semester definitely solidified that for me, and it makes me happy knowing I can continue to live out that persona as my life goes on.

After a smooth flight over the continental US, munching on JetBlue snacks and watching directTV on the headrest in front of me, we touched down in Massachusetts. We got into Boston around 9 that night, met by Jared and Sally at the airport who drove us over to Jared's apartment where we were staying, and then decided that they needed to feed my Dad and I (which we graciously agreed to). This leads us to what I like to call "The Dine and Drink Tour of Beantown."

This requires a bit of backstory on my brother, for those of you who don't know him.

You see, Jared went to school at MIT, graduated with a double major in computer science and music, moved out to New York with a job in a major banking firm, and somehow found his way back in Boston working as a bartender. It's a story about doing what you love, loving what you do, and somehow still making enough money to support yourself. I'm so incredibly proud of my brother. Jared has worked his way up the hospitality ladder, gaining immense amounts of knowledge and finding a vocation he loves and is really good at.

Thus the trip included various restaurants, so much outstanding food, amazing drinks, and just a touch of personal greetings. Jared has somehow wiggled (or better yet, worked his way) into this tight knit family of bartenders and restaurant owners, so that every restaurant we walked into, there was a smiling face behind the bar or leading us to our table that greeted us with "Jared! It's so great to see you here!" Dinners included complimentary beverges every now and then, special tastings, and everywhere we went, an introduction of the family Jared brought along for this delicious adventure.

It was such an amazing experience to meet some of the top-notch bartenders, shake their hand and tast their (non-alcoholic) drinks. Abby from No. 9 Park, who graciously waited on our table while we enjoyed the seven course tasting menu, Nicole from The Hawthorne, who made me the best mocktail I have ever had (Fresh squeezed strawberries? Yes. This is perfect), Ezra from Drink, who had a hilarious sense of dry humor and served me some of the most delicious home made tonic water flavored with rose among other things, and even getting the opportunity to meet Tony, the head chef and owner of Cragie on Main, where Jared works as a full-time bartender.

Here's a short photo montage of some of the great eats (and drinks) of the trip.

Eastern Standard late-night

No. 9 Park: Chef's Tasting Menu

Jared's mocktail creation of choice at Cragie on Main

The famous Cragie Burger - quite possibly the best gourmet burger I have ever had!

Round two for drinks at Cragie

Special desert tasting! 

Cocktails (and specialty fries) at Drink

Fabulous citrus creation at The Hawthorne

And of course, a tasty burger to end the trip. Fabulous.

I like to call the people I met behind the bar "respectable alcoholics." In that they appreciate not just the fact that alcohol can get you drunk, as most people I know in college do, but have found deeper appreciation for the flavor, the mixablitity, the taste and the aroma of various liquors and wines. They mix drinks in high-end restaurants, they know their stuff, and frankly - they are some of the coolest people I've ever met.

Here are a few more photos from our lovely time on the East Coast (not relating to the great amount of food I consumed)

So now I'm back on the West Coast, which although my time in Boston will disagree, I still consider the best coast. I am soaking up the rather warm and humid California sunshine, and somehow beginning to organize my life before I head up the mountain top in 15 short days. I have a lot to take care of in between now and then, and those of you who know me will not be surprised that I have become accustomed to writing out to-do lists every morning while I east breakfast.

This is not to say summer has not been extremely relaxing and enjoyable - because it has. Something about not having to live out of a suitcase or jump from hotel to hotel to hostel to research center or eating unfamiliar and rather odd foods makes me feel at ease. I will have to say, I am missing the days where my entire wardrobe fit into an airline carry-on bag, my home was a little room with a patio view of the West Bank, and I was completely okay with chowing down on a falafel everyday for lunch.

But - Dinuba and I only have two short weeks together before I say farewell for the glorious mountain top of Oakhurst for the remainder of the summer, so I suppose I need to make the most of it.

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

four years!!!

This entry marks the FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY of my blog!!!

Cue the streamers, party balloons, celebratory fist pumps and dance party music!

"My Life As Leah," or this blog under the various names it has had over the course of the last four years, has been home to my stories, adventures, lessons learned and where I've been - dating back to my sophomore year of high school. My first entry, which included venting about driver's ed at my high school, up to my last entry, venting about my frustrations over the re-entry process after a semester abroad. Maybe there is a theme here...

FOUR YEARS!!!

Four incredible years of making my way through high school, figuring out who I was and where I was headed, summers full of Calvin Crest excitement and lazy days by the pool, preparing to leave for college: the nerves, the excitement, the fear and the anticipation, finding my place at Westmont, growing an absurd amount my first year, learning about my upcoming semester abroad, coming back for year two - feeling lost and confused, angry and frustrated, depressed and gone, heading to Turkey - and everything that this past semester has done for me...this blog has tracked it all.

I can't believe it.

I never though this blog would last this long, and to be honest...I'm keeping it going as long as I possibly can. It has opened my eyes to a whole new world: one of internal and external processing through word. Writing out what plagues my mind late at night, putting into words what I struggle with to piece together in my head, being able to write to a somewhat neutral and vague audience: one that reads, and when appropriate, responds.

Thank you.

Thank you to everyone who has read an entry in this blog, whether you follow my Facebook links, stumble upon it by accident, or are a regular reader. Thank you for listening to the endless word of my mind, taking a moment to catch up on what is happening in the life of Leah, following my blog with a dedicated interest, and always having a nice word to say. Thank you for taking notice when something was obviously wrong, when something shone through my words and sentences, to the point where you asked me if I was okay. Thank you for everything.

I could remisct on all of the grand memories this blog has held, or I can let you dig through them for yourself. I've compiled a list of some of my favorite/most memorable entries from the past four years, which you can pick and choose from, allowing you the unique adventure of which memories to relive.

"It's Over!" (May 23rd, 2008)
Graduation yesterday was heart wrenching. Truly, heart wrenching. Walking around the field after the ceremony was done made me realize that I'm going to be standing in the senior's spots in 2 years. I only have 2 more years to accomplish everything I had set out to do in high school. I'm halfway done. I'm going to be an upperclassmen in the fall. It's unbelievable... 

"Once You Go Black" (July 27th, 2008)
Apparently there's no going back. Black is the official color of our the junior class. 

"I'll Write You a Letter"  (November 1st, 2008)
This is probably going to be super vague to all of you, and you all probably won't understand but accept it, and don't read it if you really want a look into my life right now. I just need some space to vent, and get some stuff out. As much as this might turn out like crap, or get me sent to the DHS counselor's office again, I really need to get some stuff out. Enjoy... 

"Why, Hello There 2009..." (January 2nd, 2009)
I really can' t believe it's January. Doesn't that feel weird to anyone else? Like seriously, I'm expecting it be spring all of a sudden. Flowers are going to start popping out in random places all over my yard, and before you know it, there's going to be a loud chorus of me and my friends singing "The hills are alive, with the sound of music..." all over Dinuba. 

"My Last Day as a 16 Year Old" (March 14th 2009)
I spent today taking SATs, eating In n Out, sleeping, text messaging, and spending a normal Saturday like I always would. 

"SENIOR YEAR" (August 17th, 2009)
Our song starts, Richie runs out with our senior flag, ripping our poster in half and our class runs into the stadium. You know how long I've been waiting for that? 4 years. I've seen 3 others classes run in, always wanting to be them, and I finally got to do that today. It was the best feeling ever. I remember looking around and seeing my officers smiling and running alongside me, Alex screaming "2010!!!" into the microphone, and our entire class screaming our heads off. It was purely, incredible. 

"Decision Time" (March 30th 2010)
Well, it's spring break. The last relaxation before the final stretch of the school year. In this case, the final stretch of high school. Ironically, this also happens to be the week I've made my decision to where I'm attending school next fall. Thanks to a rejection letter from Boston College, I'm packing up and moving on out to Santa Barbra to attend Westmont College after this summer. 

"Reality Check" (July 2nd 2010)
Thanks life, really needed that one. Actually, for once, that wasn't sarcasm. I'm still getting back up from being knocked down again. It's all good, I'm not too deeply cut. Scraped maybe. Bruised a little. I'll be sore for a couple days but it'll wear off like the soreness from the first week of basketball training. I never know what I'm getting myself into, until it slaps me in the face and yells at me "What were you thinking?!??" as it did yesterday. 

"Last Days..." (August 24th 2010)
It's coming down to the wire. 2 more days till Westmont. 

"Heat Wave" (September 29th, 2010)
I'm sitting here right outside of my section in our "courtyard" watching the clouds move in the sky. There's a slight breeze and a good grip of people hanging around on Clark Beach. I have my headphones plugged into my Regina Spektor pandora station (fyi: the weepies are playing right now. Pure awesomeness) and I'm feeling pretty good about life right now. I've finished my first month of college. Whoa. 

"The End (for now)." (May 4th 2011)
The semester is over. I'm sitting here, deep into my last night at Westmont as a first-year, my last night in Clark K, and my last few hours of the school year. And I'm in disbelief. Time flew. It's been quite the whirlwind of a year, filled with just about everything that your first year in college can hold. I've made the most amazing friends I could ever have asked for, did ridiculous things, laughed till I couldn't feel my stomach, cried till my eyes were soaked, and grew. I grew so, so much this year. 

"Midsummer Realities" (July 20th, 2011)
It's 10pm on the Wednesday night of week 5. My mind is jumbled and seemingly out of place right now. I'm slowly coming to realize that camp is flying by. I have 3 1/2 more weeks until it's over. Seeing that, realizing that and coming to terms with that makes my stomach turn. I don't want it to end. I want it to last forever, but when I look at the upcoming events in my life, I feel a tug to leave and move on. 

"Adorns and Assassians" (September 10th, 2011)
I've found the peace I've been searching for. In the One who's been here this whole time, with arms wide open, inviting me back to where I need to be, and yet I've ran. I've tried to fix everything on my own, focusing on what is wrong and how I can resolve the loneliness. But when it all crashed down, when I fell asleep with nothing but tears, when I was completely convinced that I was alone, He picked me up. He held me close and told me it's going to be okay. He lavishes this amazing, and pure peace upon me, and everything feels right. 

"2012" (January 1st, 2012)
So, it's here. I only have a couple days left, and as much as I want another week or two to soak up everything I love about home - I don't have that choice so I am heading into the most exciting four months of my life with my head held high. 

"rhythm." (January 10th, 2012)
I have to constantly ask myself, "Is this even happening? Am I really here in another country, living here for four months and getting to do it with a group of 25 other amazing people?" I often have a David after Dentist moment where I have to sit back and ask "Is this real life?" Because honestly, I still cannot believe I am here. It is a wonderful feeling though, being able to put the traveling to Istanbul, the huge airports, passport checks, waiting at the gates, long plane rides and recycled air behind me. 

"Farewell, Turkey." (March 31st, 2012)
I have no words that could possibly encompass what these last three months have meant to me. Trying to put into words this adventure and opportunity is impossible. Attempting to explain to you what it is like to be dropped into a foreign country, to adapt and live here is not worth it. You will never know what it is really like until you step foot onto a plane, sit through a long red-eye international flight and arrive "home" in an unfamiliar place that blinks back at you as you stare wide-eyed through your airplane window, taking in the first sight of city lights and minarets. 

"The End (for now): part two." (April 30th, 2012)
The semester is over. I wrote those same words almost exactly a year ago, and now I am writing them again. Something has ended, a season has come to a close - it's time to shut the cover on this story. It is over. As much as I know that I will be encountering this same strange concoction of emotions all throughout the rest of my life, it still leaves me with the same bittersweet taste in my mouth, swept up in a storm of excitement and anticipation of going home paired with the nervousness and fear of the change that will be present in my life.

I've watched myself grow and change, learn and shift, struggle and adapt over the past four years.

It has shone through as an incredible light, breaking through my words which have matured slowly but surely over the course of my writing escapades. The changes have come out of the ends of chapters and the beginnings of others. Out of broken relationships and renewed hope for the future. Out of God molding and shaping my life with His own hands. Out of my ambitions to be someone in my future. And most importantly, out of my decision to constantly move outside my comfort zone, not being afraid to be different, to be unique, to be something the world hasn't seen yet.

My profile description on this blog has been the same since the day I started it, and will probably never change. I feel as though it sums up "Leah" in a good, short, nutshell. Something that no matter how much I learn, and change, and adapt, will probably always still apply.

"I like to write about the world I live in. People I know. Things that make me happy, and things that make me sad. I've been told I'm a interesting person, so hopefully this whole blog-thing turns out interesting as well."

I think this whole blog thing has just been a long dream in the making.
I mean, when I was in the 2nd grade I was dead set on being an author when I grew up.

Perhaps I still will.


Here's to four outstanding years, and many more to come.

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

old habits die hard.

Breakfast isn't breakfast unless I'm sipping tea out of a tiny little glass hourglass, sitting on a small glass plate with a miniature spoon nearby. So that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

Old habits die hard, I suppose.

That goes for a lot of other things I've managed to become accustomed with over the past semester. Besides the small tea glasses, I've become a regular wearer of baby catchers. I am missing falafels and Turkish coffee. I can't stand hearing so much english. I miss being able to buy things in foreign currency. I miss talking with people who are actually interested in what is happening in the Middle East, let alone know anything about the current state of Israel and Palestine.

I was expecting this phase.

You know, after the whole "I'M-SO-EXCITED-TO-BE-HOME" phase wore off, and suddenly I'm alone. Without any of the people I spent 115 days with, without a new adventure to embark on everyday, without new information reaching my ears from the mouths of journalists, experts, etc. It all feels strangely...wrong.

And then there are the "dreaded questions."
The name of one of our exaggerated skits during our re-entry lectures, but also one that I've encountered too many times since being home.

You're home! How was it? What did you learn? What did you see? Where did you go? Wait, where were you again? How long was it? Were you safe? What was the coolest part? Who were you with? How long are you home? Did you have a good time? Did you do anything neat? Tell me a story. What did you eat? What did you drink? Did you "drink?" What did you buy? What was the best part? What was the worst part? Wow. What an experience.

Yes, I'm home. It was great. I learned a lot. I saw a lot. I went to a lot of places too. I was in Turkey for the semester. It was 4 months long. Yes, I was safe - although we couldn't get into Egypt. Cappadocia was probably the coolest part, but I need to tell you all about Asia Minor in order for you to understand. I was with 2 professors, 2 program assistants, and 21 other students. I'm home until I leave for camp, June 8th. I had an amazing time. I did a lot of neat stuff, like learning Turkish. Um...I have a lot of stories to choose from. Do you want anything specific? I ate everything. I love falafels. I drank a ton of tea, and coffee, and fresh squeezed juice. I didn't "drink." I bought a lot of cool stuff. I don't know if I can pick one "best part." I don't know if I can pick one "worst part." Yes, it was an amazing experience, but I'm glad to be home.

Or, the abridged version...

How was your trip?
It was great! A really awesome experience, but I'm glad to be home.


Since I've been home, I've talked to one person who asked me, "have you been okay readjusting to life back home?" Someone who genuinely wanted to know if I was doing okay through the re-entry process. One person who knew this would be incredibly hard, offered advice, and a prayer. One person who looked beyond the "trip" and to the hard weeks I would be trudging through over the course of this summer.


I'm tired of answering these questions already, and this is only the beginning. I'm going to be encountering these questions for who know how much longer, but if I've only been home for a week and I'm already sick of them...I don't know what I'm going to do when I get back to school in the fall and this is all I get to answer for a solid month.

BAH.

I've been hiding out in my house for the past week - for all of those who really want to see me and catch up, I apologize. I need some time to figure out my life this summer and process exactly what I did over the course of last semester. Not to mention, I've been catching up on all my cable shows I missed over the course of the last four months as well as scrapbooking my way through 200 photos into one collective binder.

I'll be out and about soon, but for the most part, I've been internally processing...something I've been putting off for a while, and now I have the time and space to do so, so I'm taking advantage of it. Perhaps being alone is something I need right now, and although I still feel emotionally conflicted about a lot of things (being home one of them), I know I'm going to be okay.

Summer is off to a very interesting start.

Respectfully submitted,
Leah

sweet summer of 2012...

It is 12:45 am. I am sipping a cup of hot tea out of my (new) favorite mug. I am wearing a sick pair of baby catchers. My mind is wide awake (thanks jetlag),  I've got some tunes on, and my cat is snoozing at the end of my bed.

Welcome to the sweet summer of 2012.

Since my last update, a lot has changed over here. I've been adapting my blog back to it's normal look, where it will stay "My Life as Leah" until June 8th when it takes on it's next new title, for the course of my summer up @5,000 feet. The lack of a subtitle, however, means that I am back into a new phase of my life, which also means that I'm trudging through a time of readjustment and processing, as well as preparation and anticipation for the next phase.

Re-entry.

We talked a lot during our last few days abroad about what the re-entry process will look like. What it will feel like to come back to America, to reconnect with friends, to get used to life away from the 23 other people I spent 115 days with, and the long process it will take to "re-enter" into our normal lives. I knew coming into this that it would be difficult, that it would take time, but to be honest - I don't think you can really prepare for anything like that. You can give yourself advice, tell yourself tips, think possible scenarios through, but until you actually step foot onto the path of re-entry, it's all potential things. When you start walking down the dirt road towards your normal life, however long it may be, things begin to be concrete, and those tips and advice and potential situations become real. I think the real challenge becomes adapting what I've learned into the appropriate situations, rather than remembering to adapt them at all.

It's been very quiet since I've been at home, and I think that's what I've needed.

I haven't seen a lot of friends, or actually anyone other than my parents - out of a need for me to recover from the last couple intense weeks, mainly in the form of sleep and cleaning my room...unpacking and organizing gifts, journaling and spending time with my cat...the usual things I do when I get home from a semester at Westmont. It has been pleasant, very nice, relaxing, and the best thing for me right now. Even though I want to get out and see people, I need a little time to myself, to wrap this semester up personally, and prepare myself for what it will be like to actually see other people. Considering this entire summer will consist of reunions once I get to home, it seems like the proper thing to do now. Failing to prepare, after all, is preparing to fail.

On a few things happening soon...

May 10th will commemorate the 4 year anniversary of my blog, "My Life as Leah." Although that hasn't been it's title for all 4 years, regardless I have been blogging about my life, my ridiculous adventures, lessons I have learned and journeys I have taken for the last four years. Dating back to the spring semester of my sophomore year of high school, up to the halfway mark in my college years. Be prepared for a large announcement on that date...something has been in the works over the course of this semester that will complete the "quartet" of my social networking, finding a place next to my twitter, tumblr, and blog.

The travel bug hasn't completely made it's way out of my system yet...May 16th my Dad and I fly out to Beantown, USA (that's Boston, Mass. for those of you who don't know your US geography). We are watching my brother's girlfriend, who is also one of my close friends, graduate from Gordon University. Congrats Sally, you are almost there. While we are out on the East Coast, I will get to spend some quality time with the city that almost became my home after high school, but (now I can say) thankfully, it did not. Regardless, Dad and I have a good week together with Jared and Sally, and it will provide a great outlet once that itch to travel gets into my daily point of view again.

I am up to Calvin Crest for my third year on summer staff in 33 short days. I am so excited for how God will work through my this summer, and through the rest of staff as we prepare to spend another sweet summer together on the mountain top. Even though there is so much to do before then, I am so incredibly excited for this portion of my summer. Camp has been good to me a majority of the time, and I'm sure this summer will be no exception.

Life is slowly returning back to normal.

Well, minus the fact that it is in the wee hours of the morning and I am wide awake, due to the fact it is currently 11am on the world clock that my body has adjusted to over the course of the semester. Thankfully there is plenty of The Office, Parks and Recreation, Bones, and tea to hold me through until my sleepiness drifts back into my point of view.

I hope you are all sleeping well, readers.
Have a wonderful weekend.


Respectfully submitted,
Leah

the journey home...

April 30th, 2012. 10:21pm. Current Location: Tantur dorm room.

Departure in a few hours. Debating a short nap. Bags are packed. Mind is full. In disbelief that I am going back to America. Incredibly scared about being in complete shock upon arrival in Houston. Don’t want to say goodbyes. Emotionally conflicted. Mentally exhausted. I don’t know what to do with myself. In moments like this, I take naps. I suppose it is appropriate.

May 1st, 2012. 12:46am. Current Location: Bus loading @ Tantur

Luggage loading. The last long tour coach. Hugs and tears already. We are actually...leaving. We’re not going to another site, another hotel, we are going home. It doesn’t feel real. I feel strangely numb to everything right now.

May 1st, 2012. 3:41am. Current Location: Ben Gurion Airport - Gate D7

Israeli airport security be cray cray. Made it to gate D7. Boarding in half an hour. Flight seems fairly empty. You forget it’s 3 in the morning when airports are packed and lights are bright. Feeling exhausted already.

May 1st, 2012. 9:47am. Current Location: Aboard flight TK1587 to Frankfurt

I don’t think I’ve ever slept through takeoffs and landings this easily before. Finished my second breakfast with Turkish airlines. Wondering what Frankfurt will be like - the goodbyes, the last group chat, and then being alone. On my own. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.

May 1st, 2012. 12:50pm (Frankfurt Time). Current Location: Frankfurt Airport, Gate Z22

I’m on my own from here on out. The last goodbyes have been said, the last hugs shared, and now I am awaiting the last 10 minutes prior to boarding for my cross-Atlantic flight back to the states. I’m seeing more and more Americans. Everything feels strangely odd. Here’s to 11 more hours of flight time...

May 1st, 2012. 1:42pm. Current Location: Aboard flight UA 47 to Houston.

Read the farewell/encouragement letter from Emilie and for the first time in a long time, there are tears in my eyes. It’s beginning to hit me. That the semester is over. That i’m not going to see my close knit family of “Istanbulites” until fall. That the chapter is over. Is this how the rest of May and the greater summer will be like? That same intricate in-between phase that I’ve come to know far too well after my freshman year and last summer at camp? I’m not ready for something like that again. I’m not ready to be fearful that the wonderful friendships that have been solidified over this semester may fall apart during the long summer and return to Westmont in the fall. 

In other realizations...I’m finding it odd to hear so man people speak english. To see American passports. To see Americans in general. The sad fact is that I’m going back to the states tonight, and when I arrive in Houston, it may be a powerful overload. I’ve got to mentally prepare for that. 

May 1st, 2012. 2:25pm. Current Location: Aboard flight UA 47 to Houston

Tea served out of a styrofoam cup. Welcome back to the states. Flew over Boston. Be back soon beantown, be back soon. Overhearing a conversation from the girl in front of me who spent her semester studying in Europe. Is now a good time to start sharing my stories? Is it my place to interject? Something tells me I’ll be asking myself that question many times in the months to come. 3 1/2 more hours until I step food onto American soil...

May 1st, 2012. 3:11pm Current Location: Aboard flight UA 47 to Houston

“May the past be the sound, of your feet upon the ground - carry on." Fun sure knows how to say it best.

May 1st 2012. 7:41pm (Houston Time). Current Location: George Bush Intercontinental Airport, Gate E22.

The last time I was here, I was leaving for Frankfurt. Now I am back and watching a gorgeous sunset out of the exact same window I watched a beautiful sunset out of on January 6th when I was last here. What a way to bookend  this trip. It feels all to familiar. America doesn’t feel very different, but I know the moment I step outside the airport...things will change. 

Going through passport control one last time. I’ve been through way too many security/passport related checkpoints on this trip, but this one has been the most memorable.

“Did you have a good time on your semester?”

“Of course. It was incredible.”

“Did you get straight As?”

“I’m hoping so!”

“I’m sure you did. Here you go miss. Welcome home.”

Those last words almost brought tears to my eyes. 

You did it, kid. 

You did this semester. You did this scary, huge, intimidating adventure, and you are closing it out strong. 

Welcome home kid, welcome home.

May 1st, 2012. 10:02pm (California time). Current location: Aboard Flight UA1408 to LAX

Final thoughts on arriving home: scared, nervous, excited, tired, anxious. Everything that I was going through when I left. I’m not sure if I’m ready for this. The long journey comes to an end tonight. It doesn’t feel like I’ve come a long way, but I was in Israel this morning. This is my 4th country of the day. I’ve come such a far way, literally and figuratively. And as we make our final descent into LAX, I can sense the end awaiting me, dressed as the sweet reunion and laughter with family and friends. This is the definition of bittersweet in every single way. The element of ends that always leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. But I am so close to being home. In California. Where I initially left for this grand adventure.

I wish I knew exactly what to expect/feel, but I don’t. I’m still confused, emotionally conflicted. What will await me over the course of the next month? I’m not sure if I really want to go through the re-entry process at all. But I don’t have a a choice, and it begins as soon as I step foot down in LAX, greet my parents and embark into the “So, how was it?” questions. Maybe I’m prepared, maybe I’m not. But I’m going to have to face it: that’s a fact. Might as well put a good attitude on. After all, you love homecomings, right? This is all your’s kid. People are excited to see you. They love you, and are so excited you are home. You are safe. You are loved. You are fine.

May 1st, 2012. 10:32pm (California time) Current Location: Aboard Flight UA1408 to LAX (taxi-ing to gate)

BACK ON CALIFORNIA SOIL YA’LL.

May 2nd, 2012. 12:58am. Current Location: Inglewood, California. Day’s Inn Motel.

Welcome back to life. Welcome back to California. Hello parentals. Hello filter coffee. Hello home-baked cookies. Hello...to normal life. Driving back to Dinuba tomorrow. Feeling tired, but feeling awake. Wearing baby catchers. At least some things haven’t changed...

May 2nd, 2012. 9:56pm. Current Location: Home.

It is over.

I am home, I am in the process of unpacking, I am utterly exhausted, but I am home. I could repeat that statement to myself a thousand times in one day and it would never feel real. And through my jet-lagged and extremely drowsy mind, it still doesn’t feel real. But I am laying in my own bed, in my own house, and this is real. I can already tell it is going to be quite the long adjustment period, but I know I can make it. I did this semester. I can do anything. It is going to be hard, but I will make it through. I just have to start with where I am.

I am home.